| Poem: Submit | Random | Best | Worst | Recent | Comments |
|
mine own battle: (Free verse) by Sapphire a sooner state of mind light
blindly stabbing forward in sight
pray to
your dominion slight
your animal howl in the night
bend, twist deadlock
strike
fizz of fear in merciless fright
static crackle, crunch of bite
strike me down with tempered might
those of you who wield the sword of
smite
Up the ladder:
My pimp's ceiling fan
Down the ladder:
I Love You!!
Votes: (green: user, blue: anonymous)
Arithmetic Mean: 4.0
Posted: March 16, 2002 1:12 AM PST; Last modified: March 16, 2002 1:12 AM PSTWeighted score: 4.0179863 Overall Rank: 13359 Comments:
[2]
nentwined @
|
16-Mar-02/1:21 AM
|
Reply
"forward in sight" reads as "forward incite", and it hurts my mental ear to rip it to the written meaning... I also don't get "sooner state of mind light". The rhyming, and the "smite" don't work for me, and I can't get a cohesive image or statement out of it. :(
Fizz of fear? Really. Fizz of fear?
holy crap, it actually says "fizz of fear". God's Wife, I thought you were mocking it or something, but "fizz of fear"? what the foosh?
189 view(s)
|
||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
