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Pedophile (Free verse) by Lenore I know who you are
you scum sucking freak!
Your Daddy didn't love you
he said you were weak.
Your Mamma hid bruises
and busted up bones,
She left you in squalor
with nobody home.
Now your a big boy
you hold all the power
until you see Daddy,
He still makes you cower.
HA HA!!
Your sick and your twisted
you know that its true
the urges come quickly
you know what to do.
How many kids
before you are done?
The F.B.I.'s coming fucker----
How fast can you run?
Up the ladder:
'The Grey' Triplet
Down the ladder:
.:|bittersweet|:.
Votes: (green: user, blue: anonymous)
Arithmetic Mean: 5.5
Posted: August 29, 2002 6:15 AM PDT; Last modified: August 29, 2002 9:15 AM PDTWeighted score: 5.25 Overall Rank: 4007 Comments:
[7]
god'swife @ 209.179.212.229
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29-Aug-02/9:41 AM
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Reply
This is really poignant. No joke. You've got the elements and the child being twisted into a monster and then hated by society is sad reality. I work with at risk youth. It's so complicated. I look in some of their eye's sometimes and just for a second there's this flash of knowing it's over for them. Some of the lines are still too simple. I think you could do more with this one. 7
It's complicated because you've set up a rythmn. I think you would have to start a completely different poem, maybe a companion to this one. Don't worry about the rhymning or the rythmn. Right down some images some genuine Lenore thoughts about the subject. Then we can work them out. Be sincere with yourself. Imagine the situation and react to it in a real way. Unfortunately I have to get off. I'm going on a trip. But i'll be back in 3 days. I'd love to see what you come up with just raw and unstylized. Talk with you then.
As fast as kevin spacey. 7/10!0
Yeah thought provoking,not bad.Spelling's a bit criminal though.
i just hope you know that all people make mistakes, and just cuz they didn't turn out in the end doesn't mean they didn't have a good family
brave and contradictory.
If native plainsmen considered this poem to be a 12th elemental construct of reality, I would annihilate their genetic lineage entire with a hydrogen bomb -3-
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