Re: Heroin by zenhaircut	23-Jun-04/1:23 PM
what are '...habit fingernails'? Does this mean there bitten? Or you've been injecting under them? I think if you left out that line, and just left the first two, it would be more haunting an intro. what have calendar blots to do with Mecca or skirmished hopes, your not showing enough. I like the next part and the stanza that follows. I also like your use of simile 'cynics...like needles' for example. Considering you've used over 100 words, don't you thiink the last line is out of place? Even if you don't it's flat and boring.
Re: Skuld Resurrected by SupremeDreamer	23-Jun-04/1:49 PM
what's the name of the muse for poetry? Is it Caliope? No, I think she's music. Oh and stop saying 'it'. Anyway you could call it (POETRY MUSE'S NAME) Resurrected Works better if you personify poetry with either a 'he' or a 'she'.
Re: Thoughts Asunder by wilco	24-Jun-04/11:26 AM
I enjoyed this poem. It's entertaining, funny and sweet. you've structured it perfectly. 10. Now, a few things you might find helpful I. you don't need 'for' in L2. In the last line 'this' should be 'it'(you are referring to 'a life not much more than ordinary, right?) II. 'old' should be changed to an adj. which provides a richer image for the couch. You already state 'none of the beauty of youth' 'old' is redundant. Try broken, or something along those lines. If it's a real couch, then use an adj. that fits the couch. III. Can 'peripheral' be used as a noun? If not than you can remove the 'a' in front of it and Presto! it's an adj. once more. IV. Perfect in every way. Thanks for writing it, I truly enjoyed it.
regarding some deleted poem...	24-Jun-04/11:34 AM
When I came to the end of the first part, i.e., 'towards' you I was going to rank this a 10. Then I scrolled down and read the rest. Now I can only give this a 6. So often It's difficult to know when to quit.
Re: Johnny by MacFrantic	24-Jun-04/11:42 AM
Interesting story. Could use some puncuation.
Re: Crumb by calliope	24-Jun-04/11:44 AM
If you'd end this poem at L8 it would be a lot better than it is now.
Re: Control by MakenzieNy	24-Jun-04/1:16 PM
Why do so many women put up with this fucking bullshit? Because of a million and one reasons. Iknow you love this person. I know there's something to love in evryone, but he's killing you, piece by piece. Love yourself, sweety, love yourself. Where ever you are there are groups of people waiting to help you. just ask, church, school, clinic. It's not your job to save him, save yourself. Treat yourself the way you would treat your own child.
Re: Absolution by Drunk Russian Poet	24-Jun-04/8:29 PM
Very interesting. The first stanzas confusing, you got one night and nine months. Maybe if you put a period after the second line and remove and at the beginning of the next. I like the idea in the first stanza. 'Favorite genes' is a little corny, but one gets used to it. You need to chose between 'gone to far' or 'come this far'. the last line in that stanza doesn't feel important, it wouldn't change a thing if it wasn't there. In the following stanza the last line is so confusing. 'should...cheat,' is phrased like a question, put the puncuation's not. If this line is not meant to be a question it might work better for you if you get rid of the 'a's in front of 'liar' &'cheat'. 'but silence is betrayal' I like this line quite a bit especially for the end of a thought. the 3 questions after bring this poem down several points. Like I said, the silence line is so good, those next 3 lines just slow down the momentum. the last stanza's really good, the'ears' can be interpreted as belonging to a variety of listeners. On a personal note my son's a bastard. I told him when he was 8, before anyone else had a chance to, he took it very well. He's not ashamed of it, i've heard him tell his friends on several occasions. I don't think it has the stigma attached to it that it use to.
Re: Sustained by Dovina	25-Jun-04/9:22 AM
'With' is such a terrific word to start a poem. I think all poems should start with the word 'with'. That would be awesome! Hey, wordsmith, why don't try showing HOW he recognizes his own shortcomings, instead of taking the easy way out?
Re: Rosalía de Castro: When I was born by Sasha	28-Jun-04/11:07 AM
You're translations astound me. This reads beautifully. It makes me feel...good.
Re: Drunk and Fucked Up by wilco	28-Jun-04/11:11 AM
The 'it' in the the second verse, what is 'it'? There's no correlation. I particulary like the aurora & the cigarettes.
Re: Sonnetias by MacFrantic	28-Jun-04/11:18 AM
the first and last lines aare great, but all that ramble inbetween...oy.
Re: Xansis by jonnyduk	30-Jun-04/4:36 PM
It has a nature theme as it should, unlike most haikus on ranker, but the rhyme kills it. Try inverting the line; like splinters...cliffs. Since a haiku is so small to begin with it seems strange to use up syllables with words like and & but.
Re: The Power Of Standing Still (Ghazellanelle) by Bachus	30-Jun-04/4:38 PM
I especialy like the last couplet, nice build up.
Re: finally i say goodbye by francis nor capule	30-Jun-04/4:41 PM
Stand in front of the mirror and read this out loud. Let me know what you think.
Re: South Shore by Rodavlas	30-Jun-04/4:53 PM
Bizarre.
Re: Recycled Stardust by Quarton	2-Jul-04/2:52 PM
This thing is a total piece of shit that makes absolutely no sense. Time blahblahblahblah like flower petals blahblahblahblah Do you don your star trek costume and play this back on your computer voice generating program while jacking-off? Never mix ecstasy with vodka and PBS, it always turns out ugly. P.S. There's no such thing as time.
regarding some deleted poem...	2-Jul-04/3:04 PM
I love the title.
Re: The Missing Peace by nothingtoanyone	2-Jul-04/3:10 PM
I like the beginning and the idea behind this, you go off into unfortunately, into boring redundance. the last line's a stinker, corny & preachy.
regarding some deleted poem...	2-Jul-04/3:13 PM
Niiiiiiiiice. The third stanza's especially beautiful.