| Poem: Submit | Random | Best | Worst | Recent | Comments |
|
finally i say goodbye (Free verse) by francis nor capule finally i say goodbye
not without reason
but with acceptance
the acceptance that came from realizing
realizing that you never will be free
once i thought you were
and everything i did
everything, though somehow fell short
now i never have to feel unlucky
i never have to question my being
and just accept the fact that we never were meant to be
the fact that i have been in love
that i have the capacity to care for someone
to do anything and everything for someone
other than me
that i have to thank you for
that i have to dwell on
that someone i have to find
so finally i say goodbye
Up the ladder:
This path
Down the ladder:
portholes in a floating coffin (burial at sea)
Votes: (green: user, blue: anonymous)
Arithmetic Mean: 4.5
Posted: June 30, 2004 10:35 AM PDT; Last modified: July 1, 2004 5:16 PM PDTWeighted score: 4.9403987 Overall Rank: 9078 Comments:
[6]
Dovina @ 24.52.157.176
|
30-Jun-04/1:04 PM
|
Reply
Though this appears to be heartfelt and a thought worthy of poetry, the presentation falls short of one of the best definitions of love I've read and a touching ode to a fallen sister, both by the same poet. It's not just you; a spirit of depression seems gripping poemranker like a disease in a beehive. I feel like a prodical daughter returning to find the houses boarded up and the homefolk moping around.
Good poem. For my $.02, I didn't like this line:
i will take solace in the fact that i have been in love The poem is otherwise taking-care-of-business, let's-move-on. That line felt out of place, too touchy-feely and like you're justifying past mistakes. Said another way, 'solace' is an emotion word stuck in the middle of a poem centered on logic and thought.
Stand in front of the mirror and read this out loud. Let me know what you think.
The repetition helps this, I think - but the theme is so often done that reader sympathy is difficult.
202 view(s)
|
||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
