Re: Misconscrew by DeadtotheWorld	21-Jun-04/7:06 PM
Check the typos. If the music rocks hard enough this could be pretty good. As a poem it's too simplistic for my tastes, but with it's got loads of commitment.
Re: Randomness by QuirkyWonder	21-Jun-04/7:07 PM
Do people really seem immune to you?
Re: Conscription by Caducus	21-Jun-04/7:19 PM
S3 lines 1-5(maybe 6)are good. The rest is not. You're writing doesn't follow any kind of comprehensible path. Except those 6 lines I mentioned.
Re: your garden by nothingtoanyone	21-Jun-04/7:20 PM
Preaching is not poetry.
Re: none by poetrybutterfly	22-Jun-04/12:11 PM
Could you change 'but' to 'though' or some such thing? I don't understand the title.
Re: fire by poetrybutterfly	22-Jun-04/12:15 PM
'loves' to?
Re: do you talk out loud in public? by peaceseeker	22-Jun-04/12:26 PM
This is not as good as it was. Now it's too much "Dear Diary". It's best in the middle parts but the intro just kills it. Instead of calling him an abuser right from the get go, why don't you show us why you 'love' him. Your dealing the cards out face-up and that can be boring when the writing is this simplified. Hide the villainy at first, that might help hold the reader's interest a bit more, and it's more honesr, especially considering that you end this poem with the word love. That says loads about your co-dependence. I like this title a great deal. Get some help sweety, please, for my sake. If your both using u together go to AA.
Re: any by shazpen	22-Jun-04/12:36 PM
There's plenty of images in the second stanza which I always applaud, though some of them, like the Egyptian eye fluid, are so wacko they're in comprehensible. I'm especially fond of thr lighter/heart analogy. Try using adjectives. The whole wacko thing is really a matter of whether or not you want the readers to know what you're getting at or maybe this is an insight meant for only you.
Re: any by shazpen	22-Jun-04/12:40 PM
What's 'bespin'?
Re: for sharon by shazpen	22-Jun-04/12:42 PM
Terrific.
Re: Do You Love Me Too by DustyStar	22-Jun-04/12:44 PM
Let's see, if some guy sent me this poem, I would think it he was sweet but a simpleton. I don't know if that's a compliment or not.
regarding some deleted poem...	22-Jun-04/12:47 PM
Instead of writing thousands of mediocre poems you really should focus your energies on one or two. I feel like I might find this in the card rack at the supermarket under the heading CONTEMPLATING SUICIDE.
Re: Paid In Full by NoSage	22-Jun-04/12:49 PM
This is dreadful, and in very poor taste. "Paid up your lease"? what an awful analogy.
Re: West Coast Epilogue (Pseudo Triolet) by wilco	22-Jun-04/12:51 PM
Waht means she/he was right, the poem? You don't mention what happened.
regarding some deleted poem...	22-Jun-04/12:54 PM
Exactly! How many awful poems CAN you write? Why don't you concentrate on one. Your constant posting borders on sadism.
regarding some deleted poem...	22-Jun-04/12:58 PM
One day you'll look back at this and feel squimish.
Re: Niggers Don't Write Poetry by pain killer	22-Jun-04/1:06 PM
'cred'? that's a stretch , isn't it? You are the epitome of mediocrity. The Beige Knave, would be a fitting monicker.
Re: Owain Glyndwr by Nicholas Jones	22-Jun-04/1:13 PM
Thank you, most humbly.
Re: Skuld Resurrected by SupremeDreamer	22-Jun-04/1:20 PM
The last four stanza I love. In the first stanza you write The quiet hum of the words seem to fade into each other in ... Yuo can't say that, 'The quiet hum...seem to...', you see you continuing the sentence as if the subject was 'words' but it's not, it's 'hum'. 'words' is the subject of the preposition. The quiet hum of words fading into each other. Or something like that.
Re: Insurance Frauds by skaskowski	23-Jun-04/1:00 PM
meandering. the first stanza is so difficult to understand, it makes the rest pointless. The last couplet is sort of the cherry on the cake of incomprehensiveness. How you got where exactly?