DetailsThe poem, its numbers, and the conversation.

do you talk out loud in public?

Member since 2003 · Posted 14 Jun 2004 · Edited 16 Jun 2004 · 7 comments

the abuser left me, a victim no longer accepting the role he insisted in his belligerence: you have been a victim your whole life, okay? no, but i didn't say it - click - he called back the next day to tell me what to do don't be angry, be happy so he can just keep hoping to continue his insanity with me what he will never understand is that i was happier before he ever came into my life. except for his last girlfriend things with her are so intense the universe psychically opens up so fast, while my heart resists in its long slow melodic beat closing doors in fear to protect my love from his residual energy that is destined to disperse so, no, i do not want the roach and no thanks to the good day beer i do not want to want anything. a paradox, with addictive qualities because the truth is: i do still want and fear. i want and fear this crazy man yet know this is not love.

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7 comments

[5] god'swife 14-Jun-04/8:39 PM Reply

Terrific insight. You need to narrow this universe down. Take it easy. This could be a great great poem. Slow it down a bit. Do some research, study words.

[5] god'swife 14-Jun-04/8:40 PM Reply

I love this poem from the title on, but it's all a jumble. Sometimes it takes years.

[7] sarah 16-Jun-04/10:31 AM Reply

Got better - hooked me more toward the end. My 2 cents. Good first couple of lines though, so got me interested. :) Some reworking and this could be killer. I dig the message. Nice work!

[10] zodiac 16-Jun-04/3:20 PM Reply

Do you have any idea how silly your title is?

[n/a] deleted user 17-Jun-04/11:27 AM Reply

No one should ever raise their voice above a respectable, appreciable volume in all public spaces.

[5] god'swife 22-Jun-04/12:26 PM Reply

This is not as good as it was. Now it's too much "Dear Diary". It's best in the middle parts but the intro just kills it. Instead of calling him an abuser right from the get go, why don't you show us why you 'love' him. Your dealing the cards out face-up and that can be boring when the writing is this simplified. Hide the villainy at first, that might help hold the reader's interest a bit more, and it's more honesr, especially considering that you end this poem with the word love. That says loads about your co-dependence.

I like this title a great deal.

Get some help sweety, please, for my sake. If your both using u together go to AA.

[10] zodiac › god'swife 23-Jun-04/4:24 AM Reply

And she still hasn't changed the ridiculous title.