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do you talk out loud in public? (Free verse) by peaceseeker the abuser left me, a victim
no longer accepting the role
he insisted in his belligerence:
you have been a victim your whole life, okay?
no, but i didn't say it - click -
he called back the next day
to tell me what to do
don't be angry, be happy
so he can just keep hoping
to continue his insanity with me
what he will never understand
is that i was happier before
he ever came into my life.
except for his last girlfriend
things with her are so intense
the universe psychically opens up
so fast, while my heart resists
in its long slow melodic beat
closing doors in fear to protect
my love from his residual energy
that is destined to disperse
so, no, i do not want the roach
and no thanks to the good day beer
i do not want to want anything.
a paradox, with addictive qualities
because the truth is:
i do still want and fear.
i want and fear this crazy man
yet know this is not love.
Up the ladder:
The Calling
Down the ladder:
Decline and Fall
Votes: (green: user, blue: anonymous)
Arithmetic Mean: 5.8333335
Posted: June 14, 2004 4:46 PM PDT; Last modified: June 16, 2004 2:35 PM PDTWeighted score: 5.2241178 Overall Rank: 4310 Comments:
[5]
god'swife @ 4.232.69.69
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14-Jun-04/8:39 PM
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Reply
Terrific insight. You need to narrow this universe down. Take it easy. This could be a great great poem. Slow it down a bit. Do some research, study words.
I love this poem from the title on, but it's all a jumble. Sometimes it takes years.
Got better - hooked me more toward the end. My 2 cents. Good first couple of lines though, so got me interested. :) Some reworking and this could be killer. I dig the message. Nice work!
Do you have any idea how silly your title is?
No one should ever raise their voice above a respectable, appreciable volume in all public spaces.
This is not as good as it was. Now it's too much "Dear Diary". It's best in the middle parts but the intro just kills it. Instead of calling him an abuser right from the get go, why don't you show us why you 'love' him. Your dealing the cards out face-up and that can be boring when the writing is this simplified. Hide the villainy at first, that might help hold the reader's interest a bit more, and it's more honesr, especially considering that you end this poem with the word love. That says loads about your co-dependence.
I like this title a great deal. Get some help sweety, please, for my sake. If your both using u together go to AA.
And she still hasn't changed the ridiculous title.
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