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Peptalk in the Dugout (Free verse) by Dovina Gentlemen! Listen up.
Soma you are hard of hearing,
so pardon me if I repeat.
Letâs have a little less
grabbing of crotches out there.
The batterâs box is no place
for fondling the jewels.
Soma you guys reach down there so much
itâs surprising you still got two left.
Letâs get these gonad adjustments
outa the way here in the dugout.
I donât want this team
looking like a bunch of preverts.
Okay. Letâs play ball!
Up the ladder:
When you taught me
Down the ladder:
her treasure
Votes: (green: user, blue: anonymous)
Arithmetic Mean: 5.8333335
Posted: December 12, 2004 9:01 AM PST; Last modified: January 12, 2005 9:48 PM PSTWeighted score: 5.2241178 Overall Rank: 4298 Comments:
Got to get that cup just right dont want nothing happening to the family jewels you understand.
Iâll yield to experience on that.
After watching a baseball game or two, I thought that at the beginning of the action the empire shouted, "Play Balls!" So the players aren't supposed to...uh...you know?
On a completely different subject I discovered a cool 'x' on the lower right-hand corner of the comment box. You can delete comments made by annoying asstrological signers by left-clicking the 'x.' It is part of the "freedom of speech" philosophy on poemranker. You have the right to say anything you want to me in comments. I have the right to delete comments. "America, what a country!" J. Smirnoff
Iâve considered that little red x a few times, but then reconsidered because, while annoying, those comments by asstrological signers add credence to the utter nonsense of asstrology.
I know nothing about astrology, except that after thirtysomething years of life your Venus still seems to be stuck somewhere shamefully near to the house of Virgo.
If you delete my comments you are an engorged pussy.
PS-it's not astrological, fuckwad, it's television. PPS-This comment is meant only for you. Delete it if you want, but you'll still have gotten to read about what an engorged pussy you are. Twice now. PPPS-Of course you have the right to delete comments. Is that your idea of a fucking revelation? You also have the right to wear only a bandanna around your schlong, but if you do I'm going to use my right to laugh at you and you'll be really sad and wish it was your right to whemy yourself to death from the embarassment of it, which of course it isn't not even in California. Having lived abroad long enough to know several people who only have bandannas to wrap around their schlongs even in the thick of desert winter, I've come to realise one of the biggest problems with America is people saying "I've realised it's my right to do X" and then doing it no matter how poorly it reflects on their other, non-right-discerning powers of judgment. And your an engorged pussy. As always, [Captain] zodiac
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A nice read, I think it is batter's box however. Personally I think it would be more catching with rhymes, but then I am biased.
sometimes you just gotta scrach -8-
-10- The 'preverts' in line 13 is sheer genius. The only improvement I would add might be to change the last word from ball to balls.
Except that wouldn't be an improvement, you engorged member.
Ya think?
Yes I do. You silly quim.
It's the sort of genius that falls from heaven in brief moments of enlightenment, like after a Long Beach in an Italian bar.
Raising the bar is what genius does.
It is correct that players of the old 'games of ball' can be a tad coarse but to suggest gentlemen use the kind of immigrant slang employed in this poem I will not believe.
Sorry if this offends the gentlemanâs game of Ball over there in Merry Old England, but the immigrants here in the New World tend toward chewing of tobacco, cursing, and carrying on fistfights with the fans.
This is overpunctuated. It sounds less the team talk of a games master and more the team talk of an RSI inflicted Stephen Hawking.
ok ummm the back and forth conversating that goes on in peoples comment areas is histarically and idiotically funny, and secondly, awesome expression of how when men are playing a sport and unable 2 fondle unexpecting women, they resort to fondling themselves ***9***
Never looked at it that way. I thought baseball was for the base who want to play balls.
If either of you have ever played baseball, sat in a dugout during a baseball game, watched a baseball game on TV, or by any other means other than fiction seen a baseball player adjust himself, then I am currently eating my best hat.
PS-I'm a butchier feminist than all of you together. You can try some 'look at the guys ganging up on my poem' shit till you're blue and puffing, but then I'll probably just pull out my engorged member and bludgeon you comatose with it.
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Your application will then be considered by the High Council of Vice-Rutherfords, whereupon you may be summoned to take part in a gruelling series of Reverse Buttock Thrusts, followed by the infinitely humiliating HOBO SQUAT. Only then will you be ready for the Inaugural Debagging Session in the Officer's Mess.
I doubt you've got what it takes, quite frankly.