poemranker ::Peptalk in the Dugout by Dovina

DetailsThe poem, its numbers, and the conversation.

Free verse № 116469

Peptalk in the Dugout

by Dovina

Member since 2004 · Posted 12 Dec 2004 · Edited 12 Jan 2005 · 24 comments

Gentlemen! Listen up. Soma you are hard of hearing, so pardon me if I repeat. Let’s have a little less grabbing of crotches out there. The batter’s box is no place for fondling the jewels. Soma you guys reach down there so much it’s surprising you still got two left. Let’s get these gonad adjustments outa the way here in the dugout. I don’t want this team looking like a bunch of preverts. Okay. Let’s play ball!

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24 comments

[n/a] Dovina 12-Dec-04/9:01 AM Reply
(submitted for application to The Rutherford Club)
[n/a] -=Dark_Angel=-, P.I. › Dovina 12-Dec-04/10:35 AM Reply
I'm afraid there is only one way for foreignors to penetrate The Rutherford Club. You must complete the official application form: http://tinyurl.com/5pkxc

Your application will then be considered by the High Council of Vice-Rutherfords, whereupon you may be summoned to take part in a gruelling series of Reverse Buttock Thrusts, followed by the infinitely humiliating HOBO SQUAT. Only then will you be ready for the Inaugural Debagging Session in the Officer's Mess.

I doubt you've got what it takes, quite frankly.
[10] blacksoul 13-Dec-04/3:16 AM Reply
Got to get that cup just right dont want nothing happening to the family jewels you understand.
[n/a] Dovina › blacksoul 13-Dec-04/10:58 AM Reply
I’ll yield to experience on that.
[10] Dan garcia-Black 13-Dec-04/8:58 AM Reply
After watching a baseball game or two, I thought that at the beginning of the action the empire shouted, "Play Balls!" So the players aren't supposed to...uh...you know?
On a completely different subject I discovered a cool 'x' on the lower right-hand corner of the comment box. You can delete comments made by annoying asstrological signers by left-clicking the 'x.' It is part of the "freedom of speech" philosophy on poemranker. You have the right to say anything you want to me in comments. I have the right to delete comments. "America, what a country!" J. Smirnoff

[n/a] Dovina › Dan garcia-Black 13-Dec-04/10:58 AM Reply
I’ve considered that little red x a few times, but then reconsidered because, while annoying, those comments by asstrological signers add credence to the utter nonsense of asstrology.
[n/a] zodiac › Dovina 15-Jan-05/5:34 AM Reply
I know nothing about astrology, except that after thirtysomething years of life your Venus still seems to be stuck somewhere shamefully near to the house of Virgo.
[n/a] zodiac › Dan garcia-Black 15-Jan-05/5:30 AM Reply
If you delete my comments you are an engorged pussy.

PS-it's not astrological, fuckwad, it's television.

PPS-This comment is meant only for you. Delete it if you want, but you'll still have gotten to read about what an engorged pussy you are. Twice now.

PPPS-Of course you have the right to delete comments. Is that your idea of a fucking revelation? You also have the right to wear only a bandanna around your schlong, but if you do I'm going to use my right to laugh at you and you'll be really sad and wish it was your right to whemy yourself to death from the embarassment of it, which of course it isn't not even in California. Having lived abroad long enough to know several people who only have bandannas to wrap around their schlongs even in the thick of desert winter, I've come to realise one of the biggest problems with America is people saying "I've realised it's my right to do X" and then doing it no matter how poorly it reflects on their other, non-right-discerning powers of judgment.

And your an engorged pussy. As always,
[Captain] zodiac
[10] Dan garcia-Black › zodiac 15-Jan-05/11:35 AM Reply
?
[7] Blue Magpie 14-Dec-04/5:17 AM Reply
A nice read, I think it is batter's box however. Personally I think it would be more catching with rhymes, but then I am biased.
[8] sir_heff 16-Dec-04/9:06 AM Reply
sometimes you just gotta scrach -8-
[10] Dan garcia-Black 12-Jan-05/11:13 PM Reply
-10- The 'preverts' in line 13 is sheer genius. The only improvement I would add might be to change the last word from ball to balls.
[n/a] Stephen Robins › Dan garcia-Black 13-Jan-05/2:59 AM Reply
Except that wouldn't be an improvement, you engorged member.
[10] Dan garcia-Black › Stephen Robins 13-Jan-05/7:54 AM Reply
Ya think?
[n/a] Stephen Robins › Dan garcia-Black 20-Jan-05/3:32 AM Reply
Yes I do. You silly quim.
[n/a] Dovina › Dan garcia-Black 13-Jan-05/8:57 AM Reply
It's the sort of genius that falls from heaven in brief moments of enlightenment, like after a Long Beach in an Italian bar.
[10] Dan garcia-Black › Dovina 13-Jan-05/9:20 AM Reply
Raising the bar is what genius does.
[8] richa 13-Jan-05/6:37 AM Reply
It is correct that players of the old 'games of ball' can be a tad coarse but to suggest gentlemen use the kind of immigrant slang employed in this poem I will not believe.
[n/a] Dovina › richa 13-Jan-05/8:58 AM Reply
Sorry if this offends the gentleman’s game of Ball over there in Merry Old England, but the immigrants here in the New World tend toward chewing of tobacco, cursing, and carrying on fistfights with the fans.
[8] richa 13-Jan-05/6:38 AM Reply
This is overpunctuated. It sounds less the team talk of a games master and more the team talk of an RSI inflicted Stephen Hawking.
[9] tori 15-Jan-05/12:08 PM Reply
ok ummm the back and forth conversating that goes on in peoples comment areas is histarically and idiotically funny, and secondly, awesome expression of how when men are playing a sport and unable 2 fondle unexpecting women, they resort to fondling themselves ***9***
[n/a] Dovina › tori 15-Jan-05/1:32 PM Reply
Never looked at it that way. I thought baseball was for the base who want to play balls.
[n/a] zodiac › Dovina 17-Jan-05/6:00 AM Reply
If either of you have ever played baseball, sat in a dugout during a baseball game, watched a baseball game on TV, or by any other means other than fiction seen a baseball player adjust himself, then I am currently eating my best hat.
[n/a] zodiac › zodiac 17-Jan-05/6:03 AM Reply
PS-I'm a butchier feminist than all of you together. You can try some 'look at the guys ganging up on my poem' shit till you're blue and puffing, but then I'll probably just pull out my engorged member and bludgeon you comatose with it.