| Re: The Stickmen of Fools by embersandenvelopes |
14-Jun-04/8:21 PM |
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Nice user name, but this poem is sadly magniloquent.
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
14-Jun-04/8:25 PM |
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Get rid of the first couplet.
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
14-Jun-04/8:28 PM |
What's pebble dashed?
Dreams sold cheaply.
This is not a Haiku. It might be great as something else. Explore.
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| Re: Windfall by wilco |
14-Jun-04/8:32 PM |
Lucky you.
This needs work, for example, the slender frame is unnecessary in the first line.
Make it present tense.
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| Re: Windfall by wilco |
14-Jun-04/8:32 PM |
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| Re: A Chance to Say Goodbye by TLRufener |
14-Jun-04/8:33 PM |
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| Re: Conscription by Caducus |
14-Jun-04/8:35 PM |
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Great title, but you fall into the abyss at the 3rd line. It's a nice idea, how is it you always put to much sauce on the biscuits?
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
14-Jun-04/8:36 PM |
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| Re: do you talk out loud in public? by peaceseeker |
14-Jun-04/8:39 PM |
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Terrific insight. You need to narrow this universe down. Take it easy. This could be a great great poem. Slow it down a bit. Do some research, study words.
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| Re: do you talk out loud in public? by peaceseeker |
14-Jun-04/8:40 PM |
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I love this poem from the title on, but it's all a jumble. Sometimes it takes years.
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
14-Jun-04/8:42 PM |
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'...lady parts...' is aces. What's biffed?
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| Re: Thin Blood by Rodavlas |
14-Jun-04/8:43 PM |
Exactly.
Exactly right.
You deserve to live.
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
15-Jun-04/3:02 PM |
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Crap from the first. Why don't you submit an application to MTV's MADE. They'll send you a poetry coach, and put you on a diet.
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
15-Jun-04/3:10 PM |
Q: When is a cock not suspicious?
A: When it's LONGanimous. (you know, patient endurance of HARDship)
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| Re: You can seize my smile by Prince of Void |
15-Jun-04/3:19 PM |
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Your crowns on too tight.
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
15-Jun-04/3:21 PM |
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Did you run-over your wife?
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| Re: Girl and a Drugstore Novel by snacktime |
15-Jun-04/3:24 PM |
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If poetry was a picnic, this would be potato salad that sat out int he sun too long.
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
15-Jun-04/3:27 PM |
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Do you sing this at AA meetings? No, impossible, since they're all better poets than you, they'd throw coffee cups at your head, and burn you with their cigarettes.
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| Re: Dealer (a senyru) by Mona Lisa |
15-Jun-04/3:30 PM |
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Thwere should be a period at the end of the 3rd line, or no puncuation at all.
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| Re: Origins by Doug |
21-Jun-04/7:01 PM |
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