| Poem: Submit | Random | Best | Worst | Recent | Comments |
|
Windfall (Free verse) by wilco Ebony tresses falling on a slender frame,
and blessed with almond skin.
Stretched, abstractly across the bed
with bright eyes shining among the sheets.
Smoke still billowing from the ashes,
and curling up to the ceiling
after crawling across red, painted fingernails.
Past regrets are concealed by desire.
The remedy to a short affair,
without the awkward acceptance of guilt.
There is something to be said for love
without the restraints of devotion or romance.
Up the ladder:
Butterfly Plague
Down the ladder:
Mermaid
Votes: (green: user, blue: anonymous)
Arithmetic Mean: 8.222222
Posted: June 13, 2004 2:56 PM PDT; Last modified: June 14, 2004 2:11 PM PDTWeighted score: 6.611111 Overall Rank: 594 Comments:
[8]
zodiac @ 65.161.41.48
|
13-Jun-04/5:14 PM
|
Reply
This poem is entirely lacking in main clauses. -0-
[n/a]
wilco @ 24.176.102.131
> zodiac
|
13-Jun-04/7:28 PM
|
Reply
Not true. Santa Clause is right over there.
[8]
zodiac @ 65.161.41.48
> wilco
|
13-Jun-04/10:52 PM
|
Reply
Nope.
[n/a]
wilco @ 24.176.102.131
> zodiac
|
14-Jun-04/2:12 PM
|
Reply
You're no fun.
Lucky you.
This needs work, for example, the slender frame is unnecessary in the first line. Make it present tense.
Thanks, and I know...it's shallow.
You're wrong. It's not shallow at all, you're just afraid of the deep end.
lol. Maybe just the dark end of the street.
Great title.
OMG,I can't believe "god's wife" actually made since for once.
Sense, fuckwit. It's sense. And my music is totally ace. I daresay your music sounds like an elderly onanist coming off to Japanese porn.
How 'bout, both you nitwits vote before you leave these stupid comments on my poem.
After that, you can leave all the stupid comments you want. Oh, and Doug...It is sense. And, you don't have to get so hostile just because somebody didn't like your (or anybody else's poem). It's called perception, and if people can't handle criticism, then they shouldn't post. What kind of world would we live in if we had to listen to every dumb fucks' poetry and couldn't call it shit. It's called freedom pal and the thing of it is...is that, not EVERYBODY should be encouraged. Thank you. ;0)
I don't think you would like the vote I'd give this poem.
Well fine.
true. You gave it an 8 before I revised it..but I must admit that you've become somewhat....generous in your voting as of late.
why would you want a nitwit to vote on your poeme?
So sorry for my lack of spelling skills,but it seems there are certain mean - spirited people who cause me to type a bit quicker.Zodiac, I have no "music" of my own,because I'm smart enough to know if my music really is cancererous or not,I have no misconceptions like yourself!Please feel free to be mute!
Yeah,totally ace!You delusional fool.
Since I have no sense of spelling I'll decline further comments toward the almighty jimmy sodaiak. P.S. zoddy find a new word - onanist is so stale!
Why don't you find another word besides Jimmy, which is not only stale, but also incorrect?
You didn't even know what an onanist was before I used it here. Odds are you still don't know.
The poem says something about romanse and sex and regret that strikes home. I'd never get that from the above comments, but like it anyway.
302 view(s)
|
||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
