poemranker ::Windfall by wilco

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Free verse № 105133

Windfall

by wilco

Member since 2004 · Posted 13 Jun 2004 · Edited 14 Jun 2004 · 20 comments

Ebony tresses falling on a slender frame, and blessed with almond skin. Stretched, abstractly across the bed with bright eyes shining among the sheets. Smoke still billowing from the ashes, and curling up to the ceiling after crawling across red, painted fingernails. Past regrets are concealed by desire. The remedy to a short affair, without the awkward acceptance of guilt. There is something to be said for love without the restraints of devotion or romance.

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mean 8.22 weighted 6.61 rank 591 views 302 View voting details →

9 votes so far. Yours would make 10.9 votes so far

20 comments

[8] zodiac 13-Jun-04/5:14 PM Reply
This poem is entirely lacking in main clauses. -0-
[n/a] wilco › zodiac 13-Jun-04/7:28 PM Reply
Not true. Santa Clause is right over there.
[8] zodiac › wilco 13-Jun-04/10:52 PM Reply
Nope.
[n/a] wilco › zodiac 14-Jun-04/2:12 PM Reply
You're no fun.
[9] god'swife 14-Jun-04/8:32 PM Reply
Lucky you.

This needs work, for example, the slender frame is unnecessary in the first line.

Make it present tense.
[n/a] wilco › god'swife 14-Jun-04/8:33 PM Reply
Thanks, and I know...it's shallow.
[9] god'swife › wilco 14-Jun-04/8:47 PM Reply
You're wrong. It's not shallow at all, you're just afraid of the deep end.
[n/a] wilco › god'swife 14-Jun-04/8:59 PM Reply
lol. Maybe just the dark end of the street.
[9] god'swife 14-Jun-04/8:32 PM Reply
Great title.
[n/a] Doug › god'swife 15-Jun-04/8:42 PM Reply
OMG,I can't believe "god's wife" actually made since for once.
[8] zodiac › Doug 15-Jun-04/9:19 PM Reply
Sense, fuckwit. It's sense. And my music is totally ace. I daresay your music sounds like an elderly onanist coming off to Japanese porn.
[n/a] wilco › zodiac 15-Jun-04/9:31 PM Reply
How 'bout, both you nitwits vote before you leave these stupid comments on my poem.

After that, you can leave all the stupid comments you want.

Oh, and Doug...It is sense. And, you don't have to get so hostile just because somebody didn't like your (or anybody else's poem). It's called perception, and if people can't handle criticism, then they shouldn't post. What kind of world would we live in if we had to listen to every dumb fucks' poetry and couldn't call it shit. It's called freedom pal and the thing of it is...is that, not EVERYBODY should be encouraged.

Thank you.

;0)

[8] zodiac › wilco 15-Jun-04/9:35 PM Reply
I don't think you would like the vote I'd give this poem.
[n/a] wilco › zodiac 15-Jun-04/9:37 PM Reply
Well fine.
[n/a] wilco › wilco 15-Jun-04/9:40 PM Reply
true. You gave it an 8 before I revised it..but I must admit that you've become somewhat....generous in your voting as of late.
[n/a] -=Dark_Angel=-, P.I. › wilco 16-Jun-04/7:33 AM Reply
why would you want a nitwit to vote on your poeme?
[n/a] Doug › zodiac 15-Jun-04/9:47 PM Reply
So sorry for my lack of spelling skills,but it seems there are certain mean - spirited people who cause me to type a bit quicker.Zodiac, I have no "music" of my own,because I'm smart enough to know if my music really is cancererous or not,I have no misconceptions like yourself!Please feel free to be mute!
[n/a] Doug › zodiac 15-Jun-04/10:07 PM Reply
Yeah,totally ace!You delusional fool.
Since I have no sense of spelling I'll decline further comments toward the almighty jimmy sodaiak.


P.S. zoddy find a new word - onanist is so stale!
[8] zodiac › Doug 16-Jun-04/1:24 PM Reply
Why don't you find another word besides Jimmy, which is not only stale, but also incorrect?

You didn't even know what an onanist was before I used it here. Odds are you still don't know.
[9] Dovina 21-Jun-04/8:57 AM Reply
The poem says something about romanse and sex and regret that strikes home. I'd never get that from the above comments, but like it anyway.