| Re: fire has its own logic by impert&ent |
11-Jun-04/8:39 PM |
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There's something innocent and frail about this poem, probably the honesty and use of everyday words. Lovely, your poem. She's got a few problems but they're small. Is this a first edit?
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
11-Jun-04/8:47 PM |
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What the hell's got into you? You're writing inspired lines now, how does it feel? This needs editing but tonight I justfeel like admiring other people's children, not critizing them. I'll come back when I'm not feeling so warm and cozy.
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
12-Jun-04/6:20 PM |
A hole that swallows horizons?
Fires burned down the beach?
Drug: A narcotic substance.
A 'rebel' of sea salt? It's insergence, not insergent.
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
12-Jun-04/6:25 PM |
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What's with all the pronouns? The most common mistake poetry hacks make, is not using nouns. This is a interesting as a venetian blind.
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| Re: The Chamber by nothingtoanyone |
12-Jun-04/6:32 PM |
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Are you mis-spelling all those words on purpose? Not to mention the lack of grammar.
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| Re: Visions Divulge by thing1 |
12-Jun-04/6:36 PM |
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| Re: Lost by arduinn |
12-Jun-04/6:46 PM |
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A substancial as a miracle whip and cheez-whiz sandwich, and just as tasty.
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| Re: Of Absinthe and Asphalt by pain killer |
12-Jun-04/6:53 PM |
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What a complete bore you are.
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| Re: Love by pshah4life |
12-Jun-04/6:58 PM |
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| Re: Lost by arduinn |
14-Jun-04/7:17 PM |
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You write poems that sound like Yoda, or I should say, like Yoda sounds, poems you write.
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
14-Jun-04/7:26 PM |
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From the dark tunnel...a raindrop was felt? I like the last couplet, and the raindrops.
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
14-Jun-04/7:29 PM |
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Was this written at a fish&chips ? The image here is ridiculous.
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| Re: Big wave by DR Limerick |
14-Jun-04/7:37 PM |
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
14-Jun-04/7:40 PM |
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Nice image. Do yuo ever try playing around with the words?
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| Re: You and I by Lifeboatman |
14-Jun-04/7:49 PM |
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This poem suffers from verbal dysenteria. Take two aspirins and shoot me in the morning.
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
14-Jun-04/8:10 PM |
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Fucking great. I'm shocked. Get rid of 'by someone'.
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
14-Jun-04/8:15 PM |
Also it should be 'my ability' not 'and ability'.
"I hope there is no question" You don't need 'THAT' in the sentence.
"The happiness I am sure I have never known'.(Why is evryone in love with the word THAT? My son stopped making THAT mistake at age 7).
I especially like the last line because you say I could fall in love, when you already have.
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
14-Jun-04/8:16 PM |
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
14-Jun-04/8:18 PM |
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| Re: Call Me by hatedestruction |
14-Jun-04/8:19 PM |
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