regarding some deleted poem...	2-Jul-04/7:11 PM
Practically perfect. Reminds me of Eliz. Bishop. You should think abiout removing the 'My daughter and me' basically that's what the entire poem is saying. you don't need that kind of flashing neon arrow pointing it out. I really do enjoy thinking about this poem. I read it the first time two days ago and have been carrying it around since. Actually, on second thought, perfect.
regarding some deleted poem...	2-Jul-04/7:31 PM
Nice edit. Perfect.
Re: Charming Distraction ( The Day I Put My Socks On Backwards) by MacFrantic	2-Jul-04/7:35 PM
Yes, this is charming. You should title it simply; The Day I Put My Socks On Backwards
Re: The Militarization of America by Quarton	2-Jul-04/7:48 PM
'An arsenal of nothingness' I'm no Isaac Newton but isn't that like totally scientifically impossible? Otherwise corn-filled mawkish tripe.
Re: Translation by Dovina	3-Jul-04/10:07 AM
Very good. I like the way you pertray the girl and the how you make here speak, good attention to detail there. The second line in the second couplet troubles me. I know there has to be a smoother way to write that. That first couplet though, is killer, great meter, concise intro, very strong, it grabs me. if you left out the last two lines in the first long stanza, it would have more impact. Let the reader come to some conclusions. Don't explain it for us. it's so much sweeter when you let the audience figure it out. Also 'you understand?' is a funny and real. It makes a nice way to end the stanza. Is she talking to you or are you talking to us? I like that. You don't need 'I thought' at the beginning of the next stanza, or 'written'. This stanzas confusing, yo9u got ''thought' twice, again, maybe if you removed the first one it would be easier, or you could change 'the' to 'these' in front of 'thought' in the 3rd line. 'of a foreign tongue' The endings perfect, so overall a good poem, I enjoyed it.
Re: War of kites and fireflies by fevriere	3-Jul-04/5:34 PM
I've read this several ties and I've grown quite fond of it. wonderful alliteration, meter, assonance- inventive. some small things bother me; Do yo mean the church itself is unmoveable or the incense within? That's a tough metaphor, you should play around with it more. it breaks up the rythm of the line. You've got a nice beat on at the beginning with the assonance of 'refuses to move' and then.... that long A in 'claimed', my ear doesn't like it. '...a high English... ' sounds more consistent to the meter throughout the poem. keep magic simply magic, attach it to the end of the 8th line, you take away it's power when you do funny things to it. the last couplet should start with the word 'Scattering' drop 'in the'. Terrfic composition.
regarding some deleted poem...	3-Jul-04/5:38 PM
perhaps not.
Re: War of kites and fireflies by fevriere	6-Jul-04/12:07 PM
I like it better with the last two lines seperated out as a couplet.
Re: Translation by Dovina	6-Jul-04/6:58 PM
Looks great.
regarding some deleted poem...	6-Jul-04/7:20 PM
The first stanza's too vague. Try the third stanza as the first. also the second stanza seems pointless. This poem needs work.
Re: Tale of a mermaid by sanity	6-Jul-04/7:22 PM
Too many 'I's. Also the language is boring.
regarding some deleted poem...	6-Jul-04/7:27 PM
Get rid of 'They' in the last stanza, it's paranoid. You're using so many words you don't need. "Interpretive powers"? That sounds and looks ugly.
regarding some deleted poem...	6-Jul-04/7:32 PM
I'm not sure about the last stanza, it feels like a completely other poem. Even though I like the largest stanza, it's a unique and touching insight, it's written to dryly, scientifically. Nice ending for the 3 poems. It makes me happy to know you appreciate your life.
Re: Rainbow by TwilightDawned	6-Jul-04/7:36 PM
This is the worst poem I've seen this evening. Try saying something normally.
Re: Virgin Bride by TwilightDawned	6-Jul-04/7:39 PM
Unrefutable evidence of a mind unstrung.
Re: The lost perfume of my yellow-rose-Girl by Prince of Void	6-Jul-04/7:45 PM
A dead, bloated cow lying in a meadow, high summer.
regarding some deleted poem...	7-Jul-04/12:25 PM
What is this sculpture a match to? I don't understand the trap either.
Re: Bankruptcy (2) by INTRANSIT	7-Jul-04/12:26 PM
What does this mean?
regarding some deleted poem...	7-Jul-04/12:31 PM
Forget the last stanza it's too obvious. 'Waiting''s a good way to end this poem.
Re: Unsung california dreamin. by SupremeDreamer	7-Jul-04/12:34 PM
This is ridiculously hard to follow. Your sentences are absurdly lengthy.