|
|
Heroin (Free verse) by zenhaircut
There is a papershred crescent
over this sighing city
the width of habit fingernails.
And Mecca lies in
those monochrome calender blots,
skirmished hope
for one more minute we can sit and wait
for November to sink in,
hastening that numb rain
we've come to love.
There was once a time
he could measure his durability
by the width of his wrists.
And now its rewind mode,
as the food-poison vine
travels vertically
up a dejected limb.
We were promised a place in this
somber-sweet symphony
and now first chair
struggles with all the others.
The is no antidote
to loneliness
except ill hope.
And cynics come like needles,
penetrate the flesh.
This won't scab over, I think.
We're at a loss for words.
Votes: (green: user, blue: anonymous)
| Graph | Votes |
10 |
|
1 | 0 |
9 |
|
1 | 0 |
8 |
|
1 | 0 |
7 |
|
1 | 0 |
6 |
|
0 | 0 |
5 |
|
0 | 0 |
4 |
|
0 | 0 |
3 |
|
0 | 0 |
2 |
|
0 | 0 |
1 |
|
0 | 0 |
0 |
|
1 | 0 |
|
Arithmetic Mean: 6.8
Weighted score: 5.2145653
Overall Rank: 4377
Posted: June 23, 2004 12:56 PM PDT; Last modified: June 23, 2004 12:56 PM PDT
View voting details
Comments:
132 view(s)
|
what have calendar blots to do with Mecca or skirmished hopes, your not showing enough. I like the next part and the stanza that follows. I also like your use of simile 'cynics...like needles' for example.
Considering you've used over 100 words, don't you thiink the last line is out of place? Even if you don't it's flat and boring.
this is the best poem i've read on this site by a conga line of buggery mile...nice one