poemranker ::Heroin by zenhaircut

DetailsThe poem, its numbers, and the conversation.

Free verse № 106348

Heroin

Member since 2004 · Posted 23 Jun 2004 · 3 comments

There is a papershred crescent over this sighing city the width of habit fingernails. And Mecca lies in those monochrome calender blots, skirmished hope for one more minute we can sit and wait for November to sink in, hastening that numb rain we've come to love. There was once a time he could measure his durability by the width of his wrists. And now its rewind mode, as the food-poison vine travels vertically up a dejected limb. We were promised a place in this somber-sweet symphony and now first chair struggles with all the others. The is no antidote to loneliness except ill hope. And cynics come like needles, penetrate the flesh. This won't scab over, I think. We're at a loss for words.

Rate it

0 is the worst, 10 the best. Pick a number, add a comment if you like, then send it. Keys: 0–9 pick, Enter sends.

mean 6.80 weighted 5.21 rank 4395 views 132 View voting details →

5 votes so far. Yours would make 6.5 votes so far

3 comments

[7] god'swife 23-Jun-04/1:23 PM Reply
what are '...habit fingernails'? Does this mean there bitten? Or you've been injecting under them? I think if you left out that line, and just left the first two, it would be more haunting an intro.

what have calendar blots to do with Mecca or skirmished hopes, your not showing enough. I like the next part and the stanza that follows. I also like your use of simile 'cynics...like needles' for example.

Considering you've used over 100 words, don't you thiink the last line is out of place? Even if you don't it's flat and boring.
[10] pain killer › god'swife 26-Jun-04/2:34 PM Reply
oh do shut up god'd strife you insufferable bore
this is the best poem i've read on this site by a conga line of buggery mile...nice one
[9] Dovina 23-Jun-04/2:22 PM Reply
I like the thrust of this poem, its persistance toward the end, its showing how cynics' needles hurt like the real ones. You also run the course fron infatuation to dissillusion with haroin. Good.

"There is no antidote for lonliness except ill hope"