| Re: take a jump with me by hendrimike |
16-Apr-06/11:02 AM |
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decent ode, but sort of stalled and unconvincing. *6*
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| Re: Another quarter. by richa |
16-Apr-06/10:56 AM |
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Th last two lines are great. "I sniff" and "frozen pie" seemed a little off to me. *7*
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| Re: Skellington Bakery by -=Dark_Angel=-, P.I. |
16-Apr-06/10:51 AM |
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Very original, very intriguing. I though this was a fantastic endeavor. *10*
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| Re: Narcolepsy by Sunny |
14-Apr-06/12:53 PM |
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I admire your ability to invent simple and beautiful phrases, however, this does not flow well and you seemed to struggle with how abstract you wanted the form to be. *7*
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| Re: The One by deval1516 |
14-Apr-06/12:43 PM |
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Eliminate spelling errors, and maybe make it a less cliche and this isn't half bad. *5*
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| Re: a comment on Embrace by MacFrantic |
13-Apr-06/7:59 PM |
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I could add commas, but that would ruin the form. And I'm sorry if my poem doesn't say much to you, but it wasn't written for you(I hope).
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| Re: a comment on Or Outward by MacFrantic |
9-Apr-06/6:27 PM |
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Visual rhythm. I didn't want the aesthetics of the poem to be thrown off even a little bit. I had to sacrifice a bit of grammar to do so. Last I checked, intentional grammar flaws aren't frowned upon.
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| Re: a comment on Or Outward by MacFrantic |
9-Apr-06/12:57 PM |
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Maybe you should have read my previous comment when I explained why I didn't.
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| Re: a comment on Or Outward by MacFrantic |
9-Apr-06/12:19 PM |
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Oh, get off your high horse, you're losing oxygen to the head.
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| Re: a comment on Or Outward by MacFrantic |
9-Apr-06/9:52 AM |
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The Furies were mythical Greek goddesses who were basically the original "Avengers." I thought capitalization would throw off the rhythm a bit. I hope this unfries your brain a bit. I think knowing this helps interpretation of the poem a lot.
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| Re: a comment on Or Outward by MacFrantic |
8-Apr-06/6:49 PM |
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I, as many others do, believe that the questions you ask only lend themselves to your conclusion about what the poem means. It doesn't matter what I think about the poem, truly.
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| Re: a comment on Or Outward by MacFrantic |
8-Apr-06/12:23 PM |
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There were no comments. So, I'm gald you personally prefered to leave one.
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| Re: Shy, quiet by Ranger |
4-Apr-06/11:50 PM |
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Wow, this is great, except for the way the first line is broken up. Would've done it differently. So, *9*
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| Re: Explorations Underground by ecargo |
4-Apr-06/11:40 PM |
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I love the last line, money. *9*
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| Re: The Peccadillary by -=Dark_Angel=-, P.I. |
18-Mar-06/12:12 AM |
Sweet lord 'twas remarkable. I do hope you do more. Particularly funny: "To go on a bender with communion wine." and "To address a Knight of the Realm as a 'Mr'." *10*
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| Re: Looking Back by x0lovelylarnx0 |
18-Mar-06/12:08 AM |
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Good "conversational" piece, but a bit lacking as a poem. Was "elementry" intentional? Please say it was. *6*
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| Re: Mid-July by Ranger |
18-Mar-06/12:04 AM |
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Pretty good, true to form. A bit of an awkward read, something about the rhythm. Still enjoyable. *8*
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| Re: Harp Song of the Prawne Men by -=Dark_Angel=-, P.I. |
26-Feb-06/11:16 AM |
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Magnifico! I love this. Ahaha. *sigh* *10*
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| Re: Rambling by terbenaw |
26-Feb-06/11:13 AM |
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This is actually pretty good. It's a lot better than it should be. *9*
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| Re: Desperate Revival by Silverjackel |
26-Feb-06/11:10 AM |
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This is really pretty ugly. You need to stop using a dictionary, and if you are not, learn to simplify your language and still convey the same message. You conflate garbage words like "mope" with a misplace "inaugurate". *5*
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