The Peccadillary

To pull a book out from the shelf by its spine. To soil the bras on Claire Sweeney's clothesline. To park a disabled on a gentle incline. To fellate a whole legion of soldiers in line. To deny that secant is one over cosine. To go on a bender with communion wine. To draw on a drunken girl's face while she sleeps. To walk straight on by while a Christian weeps. To defend British military doctrine at Ypres. To spray brown on the crops which another man reaps. To drain all the oil from Methodists' jeeps. To deliberately pluralise the word 'sheep' as 'sheeps'. To toss off in a bush on your neighbour's front lawn. To give to a hobo but shower him in scorn. To commute in a car which has been declared SORN. To pretend to have had an affair with Shane Warne. To sneak out of the lab with some alien spawn. To look at your dad's stash of bakery porn. To travel to Oxford but pay just for Bicester. To rohypnol your best friend's fiancée and fist her. To address a Knight of the Realm as a "Mr". To stir in your loins near your gran when you kissed her. To fiddle the dial in a league game of Twister. To squat over and guff on the face of your sister.