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Desperate Revival (Free verse) by Silverjackel
Lost, in an eternity of sorrow, I live today, but not tomorrow. In pure despair and loss of hope, With head held low, I began to mope: I had given up, and now must cope With the shame of no persistence. Yet just as my woes inaugurate, I cannot help but contemplate, And as I fall to my demise, I feel a will to compromise: I shall not die nor pass away, But rather on this earth I will stay, A streak of utter reborn faith, Despite all of my past mistakes, A vow to reinitiate The life that I had thrown away. So what if I have lost it all? My luck and perseverance may fall, But on this day I now decide, That all my failed attempts and tries Although in vain and waste of time; Must now all be forgotten. Into the light I now walk, No longer in agony, I talk: I praise the ground, the air, the trees, This new spirit inside of me, Not sent by God, Buddha, or the skies, But found through my new compromise, I may have sold my soul, you see, But at least I lost my agony.

Up the ladder: Jackdaw
Down the ladder: Untitled

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Arithmetic Mean: 3.0
Weighted score: 4.7615943
Overall Rank: 11676
Posted: February 25, 2006 9:46 PM PST; Last modified: February 25, 2006 9:46 PM PST
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Comments:
[4] Blue Magpie @ 212.205.251.35 | 26-Feb-06/12:58 AM | Reply
The focus here is rather in and out of clarity and the poem does not paint a clear picture. For example, the verb mope, is not commensurate with pure despair, it is far to light to follow it. You mope when you are slightly bored or upset. There are also the inversions in the walk/talk lines.
[5] MacFrantic @ 172.184.226.227 | 26-Feb-06/11:10 AM | Reply
This is really pretty ugly. You need to stop using a dictionary, and if you are not, learn to simplify your language and still convey the same message. You conflate garbage words like "mope" with a misplace "inaugurate". *5*
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