poemranker ::take a jump with me by hendrimike

DetailsThe poem, its numbers, and the conversation.

Free verse № 142327

take a jump with me

by hendrimike

Member since 2004 · Posted 15 Apr 2006 · 3 comments

it's all simple to me the way that love can be a game of unspoken rules with an ending that's usually cruel but this time i'm not so sure you blossom with light so pure listen to what can be saved believe in the future that's cloudy and grey close your eyes and use your heart my hand is your guide in the dark jump out of the boat and into the sea and believe you will be alright with me just let yourself go as we plunge below into the dark water holding on to each other as we swim further away from doubt and dismay we reach the otherside with nothing to hide you wear my heart on your sleeve and i'll make you proud to be the most beautiful girl i have ever seen

Rate it

0 is the worst, 10 the best. Pick a number, add a comment if you like, then send it. Keys: 0–9 pick, Enter sends.

mean 4.75 weighted 4.97 rank 8437 views 184 View voting details →

4 votes so far. Yours would make 5.4 votes so far

3 comments

[6] Dovina 15-Apr-06/11:38 AM Reply
You were doing good until the last 5 lines. They spoil the bravery by giving the conclusion.
[6] MacFrantic 16-Apr-06/11:02 AM Reply
decent ode, but sort of stalled and unconvincing. *6*
[7] Ranger 17-Apr-06/1:49 AM Reply
It'd be nice to see a bit more originality in the rhymes, and less repetition of 'dark'. Be inventive. I actually quite liked the last line though.