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Dream Grower (Free verse) by Enkidu Grow a dream and I'll finagle it
from out your ear,
and give you a subtle smirk.
Grow a dream
and the years of planting
from my eyes will coax petals
to bloom from your smile.
Grow a dream weakly
and my fingers will drown it:
my digits fluttering as soft rain
where the dawn is fleshy
and brilliant.
Grow this dream for me,
strongly,
and for fortune's sake,
your dream-vines will twist
and choke my own
until we wake.
Up the ladder:
To my Valentine
Down the ladder:
conscience (working title)
Votes: (green: user, blue: anonymous)
Arithmetic Mean: 4.75
Posted: January 1, 2007 11:31 PM PST; Last modified: January 1, 2007 11:31 PM PSTWeighted score: 4.970199 Overall Rank: 8454 Comments:
[2]
Stephen Robins @ 213.146.148.199
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4-Jan-07/7:28 AM
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Reply
I thought this said "Dream Gower" which could have been about the majestic cover drive of the finest left handed batsman this country has ever produced. However you had to ruin it by not mentioning that at all, and actually having a title which resembles "Dream Gower", instead you seem to have produced a poem which could easily have been written by an eight year old who has been drinking too much pottery glaze.
[n/a]
Enkidu @ 71.237.26.195
> Stephen Robins
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4-Jan-07/12:36 PM
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Reply
Much appreciated. I'll go kill myself now because you posted this comment. How can I go on?
At first I thought you were in tune with the writer of Hebrews: âLet us consider how we may spur one another on toward love.â But the choking twist in the last verse has a sinister tone that sounds self-sacrificial. If you want the coaxing and stimulation of the first part, then consider a softer ending. Overall I like it.
Good work--solid images.
Good comment--soiled images.
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