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the solitary tree (Free verse) by bamf909
a solitary tree stands firm in a field of wheat, where amber waves of grain display yellow cowardice, waving in the wind. the upright tree stands tall, stiff, unmoving, until, sudden storms approach, electrifying everything- a crackling calm, but then, thunder shakes and showers render heaven's lightning a fiery flare, cinders fly then sparks are out, amid a toppled tree once elegant, now on its knees. the only tree in a field of waking dreams may be struck down, and yet, it seems that blackened stump still stands above the bowing heads of wheat.

Down the ladder: My Love

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Arithmetic Mean: 4.75
Weighted score: 4.970199
Overall Rank: 8488
Posted: April 22, 2005 9:56 AM PDT; Last modified: April 22, 2005 9:56 AM PDT
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Comments:
[5] Dovina @ 204.250.12.246 | 22-Apr-05/10:01 AM | Reply
You tell us too much. Use fewer words and choose carefully. Avoid telling us things like "amber waves of grain display yellow cowardice." This has poetntial.
[n/a] bamf909 @ 63.26.221.238 > Dovina | 22-Apr-05/10:08 AM | Reply
i'm not sure i could leave that out. "amber waves of grain" is important to the poem's metaphor, and i actually think that the contrast between purple and yellow shows the contrast between the cowardice shown by many americans in not standing up for what they believe in, and the proud culture of courage that we have historically prided ourselves on. so that part has to stay, i think, but im certainly open to suggestions about shortening other parts, especially the middle stanza, which contains a lot of imagery that may or may not be necessary to understanding the concept of the poem.
[5] Dovina @ 204.250.12.246 > bamf909 | 22-Apr-05/10:20 AM | Reply
You have missed my point. You called the amber waves cowardly. That's telling us something unsubstanciated by anything you said previously. And amber waves of grain is a cliche. The opinions and images in your comment are not in your poem. the poem jabs us with things after you have already said them, making us feel belittled. What you think about cowardice is alright, but how you say it is not.
[n/a] bamf909 @ 63.26.53.90 > Dovina | 22-Apr-05/12:30 PM | Reply
ok, i will explain the poem. the solitary tree is the individual who stands alone for what he or she believes in while the government has worked to strike fear into the hearts of the general populace, hence "stands firm." the wheat (amber waves of grain) represents the rest of the american people, who have succumbed to their cowardice and are now yellow (as opposed to amber)and also contrast with purple (purple mountains' majesty)implying a lack of majesty. "waving in the wind" is in contrast with the firm resolve shown by the tree, meaning that the people allow themselves to be thrown to and fro acording to whatever events are currently transpiring. the next stanza describes a political "storm," relevant because of today's political turmoil. "sudden storms" can be interpreted as recent global events (I had 9/11 and the war in iraq in mind). the "crackling calm" is (to me at least), the period of tension between 9/11 and when the government took action. "thunder shakes and showers render/ heaven's lightning a fiery flare" evokes images of war and bombing (think back to the "shock and awe" campaign). cinders and sparks are the aftermath of the war, smaller and smaller bits of violence. the tree (individual) has been struck down, the casualty (not literally) of the war, his or her views have been tossed aside, destroyed. Still, the dignity that individual retains allows it to stand taller than the wheat (the rest of society), demonstarting that even after suffering a devastating blow, the individual's honor is greater than if he or she had conformed like the wheat.
[9] zodiac @ 81.10.126.152 > bamf909 | 22-Apr-05/1:09 PM | Reply
Yes, all of that is clear, even to Dovina and even without "display yellow cowardice", which (I agree with her) is overstatement.

I think you forgot to include purple in your poem, and then forgot that you forgot it. That's just as well. The poem stands as well with "amber waves of grain" but without the cowardice bit or anything purple.

Try to avoid the temptation to post explanatory comments on your poem. In the case of this poem it's unnecessary, and even in other cases it's not like you're going to be able to go around explaining your poems to everybody who reads them forever.
[n/a] bamf909 @ 63.26.112.238 > zodiac | 23-Apr-05/5:35 PM | Reply
actually, the purple is an instance of somehtingt intentionally left out- purple mountain's majesty is the next line of the song alluded to and should be inferred by the reader.
[5] Goad @ 80.132.234.116 | 22-Apr-05/3:40 PM | Reply
God, I totally misread this. I thought it was about someone bravely continuing to practice autoerotica in a wheat field even after a bad experience with a puritanical neighbour and their genital shocking taser gun.

Though if you really think about it, that is more or less exactly what you've described in your expository comment.
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