Replying to a comment on:

take a jump with me (Free verse) by hendrimike

it's all simple to me the way that love can be a game of unspoken rules with an ending that's usually cruel but this time i'm not so sure you blossom with light so pure listen to what can be saved believe in the future that's cloudy and grey close your eyes and use your heart my hand is your guide in the dark jump out of the boat and into the sea and believe you will be alright with me just let yourself go as we plunge below into the dark water holding on to each other as we swim further away from doubt and dismay we reach the otherside with nothing to hide you wear my heart on your sleeve and i'll make you proud to be the most beautiful girl i have ever seen

Ranger 17-Apr-06/1:49 AM
It'd be nice to see a bit more originality in the rhymes, and less repetition of 'dark'. Be inventive. I actually quite liked the last line though.




Track and Plan your submissions ; Read some Comics ; Get Paid for your Poetry
PoemRanker Copyright © 2001 - 2024 - kaolin fire - All Rights Reserved
All poems Copyright © their respective authors
An internet tradition since June 9, 2001