on On the Theme of Melted Pianos by embersandenvelopes
10 Apr 2004, 8:13 PM
not too shabby.
your mission: delete seven words.
your mission: delete seven words.
on Lemons Don't Grow by Blindpoetry
10 Apr 2004, 7:58 PM
"to" s/b "too"
"Your face [is] [too] red"
"salty onions" is an interesting idea. But, man - this is wordily convoluted - whats it all mean?
"Your face [is] [too] red"
"salty onions" is an interesting idea. But, man - this is wordily convoluted - whats it all mean?
on Loneliness, Grief, and Other Emotions by MacFrantic
10 Apr 2004, 7:43 PM
such riddles.
That "I" construct is almost workin'
That "I" construct is almost workin'
on Loneliness, Grief, and Other Emotions by MacFrantic
10 Apr 2004, 7:43 PM
such riddles.
That "I" construct is almost workin'
That "I" construct is almost workin'
on Of Fortunes and The Future by thepinkbunnyofdoom
10 Apr 2004, 7:14 PM
Suggestion: The prepositions "In", "Behind", "With" as first words in the first three lines strikes me as complicated; forces the reader (me) to construct these relationships in my wittle brain. Distracting.
The specific meaning is vague, but the frustration comes through nonetheless.
The specific meaning is vague, but the frustration comes through nonetheless.
on Rough draft of a poetry manifesto by zodiac
10 Apr 2004, 7:05 PM
I've always like the sound of nemesis.
on Polyester Mustache by Bachus
9 Apr 2004, 10:13 AM
"... a sled pulled by 10 square feet of rabid ferret" - I said awesome already, right?
on Polyester Mustache by Bachus
9 Apr 2004, 10:11 AM
awesome.
on Three Bears by hotwire
9 Apr 2004, 8:04 AM
different. points for that.
I really don't mind the lowercase "i" as a tool themselves, but the capital usage with "I'll" kinda wrecks it.
I really don't mind the lowercase "i" as a tool themselves, but the capital usage with "I'll" kinda wrecks it.
replying on ritual of now intensified by nentwined
9 Apr 2004, 6:04 AM
No FuckinGidea - this, by the way, is nearly the definition of Modernism.
replying on ritual of now intensified by nentwined
8 Apr 2004, 6:01 PM
I imagined like a standard open mike type situation - in this neck of the woods there is at least one every week (did a good one last night - the NH Poet Laureate was there).
Waaaaaay on the other side of the country though. There must be some around there - you're in a hub of civilization fer cryin out loud.
Waaaaaay on the other side of the country though. There must be some around there - you're in a hub of civilization fer cryin out loud.
on Knuckle Bait by niyama
8 Apr 2004, 5:36 PM
Should be more. Maybe less. I'm wonderin if maybe this could be combined with the one I just read...
on ritual of now intensified by nentwined
8 Apr 2004, 5:21 PM
nice to see you.
linebreak after "slowly," right?
This would be awesome read outloud.
linebreak after "slowly," right?
This would be awesome read outloud.
replying on The Kings of Paradise by Spindle
8 Apr 2004, 8:20 AM
it is? What kind of drugs?
Not saying you don't need some, but its a good place to start in general.
Try deleting every word under three letters then putting them back where absolutely needed.