Re: a comment on On the Theme of Melted Pianos by embersandenvelopes	11-Apr-04/4:09 AM
Thats the trick - start with the prepositions and conjunctions; the little words that add little value. Not saying you don't need some, but its a good place to start in general. Try deleting every word under three letters then putting them back where absolutely needed.
Re: On the Theme of Melted Pianos by embersandenvelopes	10-Apr-04/8:13 PM
not too shabby. your mission: delete seven words.
Re: bipolar by nentwined	10-Apr-04/8:01 PM
interesting parallels between this and a menstrual cycle.
Re: Lemons Don't Grow by Blindpoetry	10-Apr-04/7:58 PM
"to" s/b "too" "Your face [is] [too] red" "salty onions" is an interesting idea. But, man - this is wordily convoluted - whats it all mean?
Re: Loneliness, Grief, and Other Emotions by MacFrantic	10-Apr-04/7:43 PM
such riddles. That "I" construct is almost workin'
Re: Loneliness, Grief, and Other Emotions by MacFrantic	10-Apr-04/7:43 PM
such riddles. That "I" construct is almost workin'
Re: Of Fortunes and The Future by thepinkbunnyofdoom	10-Apr-04/7:14 PM
Suggestion: The prepositions "In", "Behind", "With" as first words in the first three lines strikes me as complicated; forces the reader (me) to construct these relationships in my wittle brain. Distracting. The specific meaning is vague, but the frustration comes through nonetheless.
Re: Rough draft of a poetry manifesto by zodiac	10-Apr-04/7:05 PM
I've always like the sound of nemesis.
Re: Polyester Mustache by Bachus	9-Apr-04/10:13 AM
"... a sled pulled by 10 square feet of rabid ferret" - I said awesome already, right?
Re: Polyester Mustache by Bachus	9-Apr-04/10:11 AM
awesome.
Re: Three Bears by hotwire	9-Apr-04/8:04 AM
different. points for that. I really don't mind the lowercase "i" as a tool themselves, but the capital usage with "I'll" kinda wrecks it.
Re: a comment on ritual of now intensified by nentwined	9-Apr-04/6:04 AM
No FuckinGidea - this, by the way, is nearly the definition of Modernism.
Re: a comment on ritual of now intensified by nentwined	8-Apr-04/6:01 PM
I imagined like a standard open mike type situation - in this neck of the woods there is at least one every week (did a good one last night - the NH Poet Laureate was there). Waaaaaay on the other side of the country though. There must be some around there - you're in a hub of civilization fer cryin out loud.
Re: Beth by horus8	8-Apr-04/5:43 PM
I imagine some of the choppiness I read would be greatly smoothed by the singing of it. it works; sure.
Re: Wrath by niyama	8-Apr-04/5:37 PM
Good topic; feels fresh.
Re: Knuckle Bait by niyama	8-Apr-04/5:36 PM
Should be more. Maybe less. I'm wonderin if maybe this could be combined with the one I just read...
Re: Lost Girl by niyama	8-Apr-04/5:33 PM
is you from 100poems?? I like this - lowercase "i" sticks out though.
Re: a comment on Beth by horus8	8-Apr-04/5:29 PM
I second this.
Re: ritual of now intensified by nentwined	8-Apr-04/5:21 PM
nice to see you. linebreak after "slowly," right? This would be awesome read outloud.
Re: a comment on The Kings of Paradise by Spindle	8-Apr-04/8:20 AM
it is? What kind of drugs?