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ritual of now intensified (Free verse) by nentwined
I press the plunger of the press slowly, separating grounds from water, earth from mana, and the act (ritual) breathes the essence of coffee-to-be into my mind, a mystical hypodermic mainlined to my soul; memories of russet-brown nectar taste themselves into my mouth, the cup held to my face, and warmth tingles up my nose and explodes in full-fledged recollection of the joy I am about to experience; and then-- it is.

Down the ladder: Underneath This Burning Sun

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Arithmetic Mean: 7.6923075
Weighted score: 6.9682345
Overall Rank: 285
Posted: April 8, 2004 2:57 PM PDT; Last modified: April 8, 2004 2:57 PM PDT
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nentwined

Comments:
[7] horus8 @ 24.130.214.180 | 8-Apr-04/3:13 PM | Reply
God, if you feel this way about coffee, you could write a fucking epic on the overlooked joys of crack cocaine
[n/a] nentwined @ 66.92.28.14 > horus8 | 8-Apr-04/3:41 PM | Reply
I shared this comment with all my co-workers. I think you made my day, even with the 7. :)
[7] horus8 @ 24.130.214.180 > nentwined | 8-Apr-04/3:59 PM | Reply
Even if I wanted to give you a ten, which, I often do... I have a reputation to uphold. Though it's upside down and smells like a carp that's been hanging from a tree for four days, it's all I have left, that, and a box full of chocolate donuts that some time over the last three years turned powder on me.
[n/a] nentwined @ 66.92.28.14 > horus8 | 8-Apr-04/4:06 PM | Reply
mmm, donuts =)
[9] deleted user @ 68.66.196.168 | 8-Apr-04/3:40 PM | Reply
To enjoy what you can! Love it!
[n/a] nentwined @ 66.92.28.14 > deleted user | 8-Apr-04/3:41 PM | Reply
Thanks. :)
[8] zodiac @ 67.240.192.172 | 8-Apr-04/4:00 PM | Reply
Welcome back! You should get a ten for just posting again, but manna has two n's and this is my third poemranker poem about coffee today.
[n/a] nentwined @ 66.92.28.14 > zodiac | 8-Apr-04/4:08 PM | Reply
Hmm. On that note, maybe I really should attempt to integrate a spellcheck on the preview pane. Doh re: manna. I knew that, really. But. La. :)

third coffee poem today!? It's my first coffee in a week. :) And I think my second poem about hot liquids sold over the counter. But. Cool beans, and thanks. :)
[9] niyama @ 128.97.253.2 | 8-Apr-04/5:01 PM | Reply
I really like this one. A couple of comments:

- L1 - the repetition of "press" kind of sticks for me...maybe 'sink the plunger' or some such?
- L2 & 3 are awesome together
- L4 maybe strike 'act'? I like it with just 'ritual'
- L6 'mystical hypodermic' - while I generally dislike the word 'mystical' i like it here. feels very...coffee house to me.
- L7 strike "brown"? 'Russet on its own is great
- L8 'tasting themselves' awesome!
- L9 what about 'held the cup up'...to my face feels obvious to me
- L10 'warmth tingles' what about 'warm tingles'?

All in all I love it! Don't mind the comments above, don't think you need to worry about the opinion of cricket girl...*bleh*! =o)

[n/a] nentwined @ 66.92.28.14 > niyama | 8-Apr-04/5:14 PM | Reply
I like several of your suggestions.

L1-this is hard. I'll have to think about it. the repetition is kind of off, but I think the first word feels like 'press' more than anything else I can think of, and I'm worried with the second that someone won't get what a french press is.

L4-yeah, I agonized over that too. definitely not just 'act', but I have a weakness for parentheticals. That's probably something to not be encouraged. :)

L7-and another point of contention. brown is entirely redundant, but the flow feels good to me. so I'll think about it.

L9-held the cup up doesn't fit grammatically, but I "might could" do something with that, still. That line was actually an inserted after-thought in the first draft.

L10-_definitely_ has to be 'warmth tingles', for me.

er.

so, well, I like the ones I'm going to have to think on, and I appreciate all of them. :) Thank you. :)
[n/a] nentwined @ 66.92.183.34 > niyama | 8-Apr-04/11:19 PM | Reply
you are right. I need to drop 'act'. we shall see where else you are right. more thought required. :)
[n/a] nentwined @ 66.92.183.34 > niyama | 8-Apr-04/11:20 PM | Reply
aha! and _push_ the plunger. =) !?
[n/a] nentwined @ 66.92.183.34 > niyama | 8-Apr-04/11:21 PM | Reply
I need cup to my face. striking brown is good. and still the warmth tingles. :)

thank you!
[9] Shuushin @ 207.5.211.177 | 8-Apr-04/5:21 PM | Reply
nice to see you.

linebreak after "slowly," right?

This would be awesome read outloud.
[n/a] nentwined @ 66.92.28.14 > Shuushin | 8-Apr-04/5:26 PM | Reply
the first line long is the long and slow press of the plunger.

hello :)

the first line seems cliche out loud. but perhaps not--it requires the right intonation. Perhaps I have it, now.

I do not like slams.

But perhaps a 'reading'. Do non-slam readings happen in places, in a periodic fashion? I do like reading my poems.

Perhaps I should record them--I did that a long time ago.

Oh yes, I hate my voice.

Right. :)
[9] Shuushin @ 207.5.211.177 > nentwined | 8-Apr-04/6:01 PM | Reply
I imagined like a standard open mike type situation - in this neck of the woods there is at least one every week (did a good one last night - the NH Poet Laureate was there).

Waaaaaay on the other side of the country though. There must be some around there - you're in a hub of civilization fer cryin out loud.
[n/a] -=Dark_Angel=-, P.I. @ 81.86.113.159 | 9-Apr-04/5:43 AM | Reply
Could you tell me who is responsible for the following: "We want art for art's sake that will reflect the magazine's edgy, exciting attitude."
[9] Shuushin @ 147.154.235.51 > -=Dark_Angel=-, P.I. | 9-Apr-04/6:04 AM | Reply
No FuckinGidea - this, by the way, is nearly the definition of Modernism.
[n/a] nentwined @ 66.92.183.34 > -=Dark_Angel=-, P.I. | 9-Apr-04/9:25 AM | Reply
Not really, though I'm trying to get rid of it as we speak.
[10] Jill Stockinger @ 67.172.190.253 | 15-Jan-07/7:04 PM | Reply
Ahh! Cof-fee!
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