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ritual of now intensified (Free verse) by nentwined I press the plunger of the press slowly, separating grounds
from water,
earth from mana,
and the act (ritual) breathes
the essence of coffee-to-be
into my mind,
a mystical hypodermic mainlined to my soul;
memories of russet-brown nectar
taste themselves into my mouth,
the cup held to my face,
and warmth tingles up my nose and explodes
in full-fledged recollection of the joy
I am about to experience;
and then--
it is.
Up the ladder:
From Treehouse To Factory
Down the ladder:
32 Truths and 1 Lie
Votes: (green: user, blue: anonymous)
Arithmetic Mean: 7.6923075
Posted: April 8, 2004 2:57 PM PDT; Last modified: April 8, 2004 2:57 PM PDTWeighted score: 6.9682345 Overall Rank: 122 The following users have marked this poem on their favorites list:
Comments:
[7]
horus8 @ 24.130.214.180
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8-Apr-04/3:13 PM
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Reply
God, if you feel this way about coffee, you could write a fucking epic on the overlooked joys of crack cocaine
[n/a]
nentwined @ 66.92.28.14
> horus8
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8-Apr-04/3:41 PM
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Reply
I shared this comment with all my co-workers. I think you made my day, even with the 7. :)
[7]
horus8 @ 24.130.214.180
> nentwined
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8-Apr-04/3:59 PM
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Reply
Even if I wanted to give you a ten, which, I often do... I have a reputation to uphold. Though it's upside down and smells like a carp that's been hanging from a tree for four days, it's all I have left, that, and a box full of chocolate donuts that some time over the last three years turned powder on me.
[n/a]
nentwined @ 66.92.28.14
> horus8
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8-Apr-04/4:06 PM
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Reply
mmm, donuts =)
To enjoy what you can! Love it!
Thanks. :)
Welcome back! You should get a ten for just posting again, but manna has two n's and this is my third poemranker poem about coffee today.
Hmm. On that note, maybe I really should attempt to integrate a spellcheck on the preview pane. Doh re: manna. I knew that, really. But. La. :)
third coffee poem today!? It's my first coffee in a week. :) And I think my second poem about hot liquids sold over the counter. But. Cool beans, and thanks. :)
I really like this one. A couple of comments:
- L1 - the repetition of "press" kind of sticks for me...maybe 'sink the plunger' or some such? - L2 & 3 are awesome together - L4 maybe strike 'act'? I like it with just 'ritual' - L6 'mystical hypodermic' - while I generally dislike the word 'mystical' i like it here. feels very...coffee house to me. - L7 strike "brown"? 'Russet on its own is great - L8 'tasting themselves' awesome! - L9 what about 'held the cup up'...to my face feels obvious to me - L10 'warmth tingles' what about 'warm tingles'? All in all I love it! Don't mind the comments above, don't think you need to worry about the opinion of cricket girl...*bleh*! =o)
I like several of your suggestions.
L1-this is hard. I'll have to think about it. the repetition is kind of off, but I think the first word feels like 'press' more than anything else I can think of, and I'm worried with the second that someone won't get what a french press is. L4-yeah, I agonized over that too. definitely not just 'act', but I have a weakness for parentheticals. That's probably something to not be encouraged. :) L7-and another point of contention. brown is entirely redundant, but the flow feels good to me. so I'll think about it. L9-held the cup up doesn't fit grammatically, but I "might could" do something with that, still. That line was actually an inserted after-thought in the first draft. L10-_definitely_ has to be 'warmth tingles', for me. er. so, well, I like the ones I'm going to have to think on, and I appreciate all of them. :) Thank you. :)
you are right. I need to drop 'act'. we shall see where else you are right. more thought required. :)
aha! and _push_ the plunger. =) !?
I need cup to my face. striking brown is good. and still the warmth tingles. :)
thank you!
nice to see you.
linebreak after "slowly," right? This would be awesome read outloud.
the first line long is the long and slow press of the plunger.
hello :) the first line seems cliche out loud. but perhaps not--it requires the right intonation. Perhaps I have it, now. I do not like slams. But perhaps a 'reading'. Do non-slam readings happen in places, in a periodic fashion? I do like reading my poems. Perhaps I should record them--I did that a long time ago. Oh yes, I hate my voice. Right. :)
I imagined like a standard open mike type situation - in this neck of the woods there is at least one every week (did a good one last night - the NH Poet Laureate was there).
Waaaaaay on the other side of the country though. There must be some around there - you're in a hub of civilization fer cryin out loud.
Could you tell me who is responsible for the following: "We want art for art's sake that will reflect the magazine's edgy, exciting attitude."
No FuckinGidea - this, by the way, is nearly the definition of Modernism.
Not really, though I'm trying to get rid of it as we speak.
Ahh! Cof-fee!
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