Poemranker [Replying] Fri Apr 19 12:07:24 PDT 2024

Replying to a comment on:

ritual of now intensified (Free verse) by nentwined

I press the plunger of the press slowly, separating grounds from water, earth from mana, and the act (ritual) breathes the essence of coffee-to-be into my mind, a mystical hypodermic mainlined to my soul; memories of russet-brown nectar taste themselves into my mouth, the cup held to my face, and warmth tingles up my nose and explodes in full-fledged recollection of the joy I am about to experience; and then-- it is.

nentwined

8-Apr-04/5:14 PM

I like several of your suggestions.

L1-this is hard. I'll have to think about it. the repetition is kind of off, but I think the first word feels like 'press' more than anything else I can think of, and I'm worried with the second that someone won't get what a french press is.

L4-yeah, I agonized over that too. definitely not just 'act', but I have a weakness for parentheticals. That's probably something to not be encouraged. :)

L7-and another point of contention. brown is entirely redundant, but the flow feels good to me. so I'll think about it.

L9-held the cup up doesn't fit grammatically, but I "might could" do something with that, still. That line was actually an inserted after-thought in the first draft.

L10-_definitely_ has to be 'warmth tingles', for me.

er.

so, well, I like the ones I'm going to have to think on, and I appreciate all of them. :) Thank you. :)

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