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On the Theme of Melted Pianos

Member since 2004 · Posted 9 Apr 2004 · Edited 9 Apr 2004 · 7 comments

When the pianos melt and drip like wet and lanquid sugar; It is the simplicity of the sound now emerging as words now housing lips that were also once dreams that is the first shiver of sweet caress to show you that through selected death there is always the trancendence of rebirth.

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7 comments

[9] wilco 9-Apr-04/10:10 PM Reply

I kind of like this.....very....abstract?

[n/a] embersandenvelopes › wilco 9-Apr-04/11:44 PM Reply

thank you :) This was one of the poems that came about from my love of a phrase of Pablo Neruda's dealing with the term "melted pianos"

[8] Shuushin 10-Apr-04/8:13 PM Reply

not too shabby.

your mission: delete seven words.

[n/a] embersandenvelopes › Shuushin 11-Apr-04/12:13 AM Reply

which seven? I'm not really satisfied with the last 2 lines but I can't think of anywhere else to go with it.

[8] Shuushin › embersandenvelopes 11-Apr-04/4:09 AM Reply

Thats the trick - start with the prepositions and conjunctions; the little words that add little value.

Not saying you don't need some, but its a good place to start in general.

Try deleting every word under three letters then putting them back where absolutely needed.

[6] zodiac › Shuushin 11-Apr-04/6:25 AM Reply

Don't listen to him, violetsuede. He likes to win the trust of young ladies with his smooth talk, and then when he gets them alone... WHAM!

PS-What do you mean by Greek mythology, Shuushin?

[8] Shuushin › zodiac 11-Apr-04/7:17 AM Reply

Trying to figure out why you slammed "My Nemesis", thought maybe you didn't understand the subtlety of the mythology behind it.