| Poem: Submit | Random | Best | Worst | Recent | Comments |
|
Of Fortunes and The Future (Free verse) by thepinkbunnyofdoom In the icey depths of somber smoke
Behind painted beads and false promises
With the scent of illusion made half truths
There lies a woman wrapped in self decay
Pouring words straight toward your fears
Trying to make your wallet her's
Its happening
You see it
You try and keep your distance
But it happens everyday
She eats good off another's stupidity
There really is one born every minute
So why do we rally behind them?
Up the ladder:
For Kristen
Down the ladder:
I Wish
Votes: (green: user, blue: anonymous)
Arithmetic Mean: 6.9411764
Posted: April 10, 2004 1:38 AM PDT; Last modified: April 10, 2004 1:38 AM PDTWeighted score: 6.7097826 Overall Rank: 495 Comments:
[9]
deleted user @ 68.66.196.168
|
10-Apr-04/9:51 AM
|
Reply
Please change "good" to "well," and "another's" to "your" if you wish to please me and let my words pour straight into you fears. Nice!
Suggestion: The prepositions "In", "Behind", "With" as first words in the first three lines strikes me as complicated; forces the reader (me) to construct these relationships in my wittle brain. Distracting.
The specific meaning is vague, but the frustration comes through nonetheless. 320 view(s)
|
||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
