Of Fortunes and The Future

Member since 2003 · Posted 10 Apr 2004 · 2 comments

In the icey depths of somber smoke Behind painted beads and false promises With the scent of illusion made half truths There lies a woman wrapped in self decay Pouring words straight toward your fears Trying to make your wallet her's Its happening You see it You try and keep your distance But it happens everyday She eats good off another's stupidity There really is one born every minute So why do we rally behind them?

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2 comments

[9] deleted user 10-Apr-04/9:51 AM Reply

Please change "good" to "well," and "another's" to "your" if you wish to please me and let my words pour straight into you fears. Nice!

[8] Shuushin 10-Apr-04/7:14 PM Reply

Suggestion: The prepositions "In", "Behind", "With" as first words in the first three lines strikes me as complicated; forces the reader (me) to construct these relationships in my wittle brain. Distracting.

The specific meaning is vague, but the frustration comes through nonetheless.