Re: Unrequited by DevilTmptrss	7-Oct-03/6:43 PM
I has a very sweet cadence, one that rings true; a lovely flow. There are a couple "too easy" references though, which would be nice if tweeked out ("like a summers breeze", "like cool showers in the spring") - and I think "sweet" wants to be an adverb. "flowers in the Fall" is pretty good as describing a torture. It's a good, honest expression of love - though I haven't fallen in love with it (I'm happy to have it as a good friend).
regarding some deleted poem...	7-Oct-03/6:47 PM
Well, it made me learn something about Carmelites: "The Carmelite Missionaries were founded 1860 by Francisco Palau, a Spanish Discalced Carmelite friar. The Carmelite Missionaries are already present in 38 countries throughout Europe, the Americas, Asia and Africa." All this time I thought they were a kind of cigarette. And I didn't know discalced meant sandal-wearing. So, thanks for that.
Re: RHYMEZONE.COM by King Abdullah II	8-Oct-03/8:39 AM
Dat's berry chute. You can only post three poems a week here and you post this. Holy Christ. I mean, you stole half the thing from rhymezone.com - prolly got the other half from dictionary.com. At least come up with 3 more stanzas and make it a real poem.
Re: SupremeDreamer by King Abdullah I	8-Oct-03/8:41 AM
well, it rhymes, so ...
regarding some deleted poem...	9-Oct-03/6:14 AM
That first stanza is very powerful, I like the idea of knowing where the shadow would next fall as an illustation of knowing her. But I have to say that after a few more stanza of "I really know her" I felt the urge to start skimming; I think you might want to distill some of that into a smaller, stronger concoction. Once you have that, you can more easily develop that image of her preventing the fall - which is also pretty cool. So, I think there is a good concept here, the lines are a bit too dark here and there - worth pursuing though.
Re: To Paint Acceptance by versus_u	9-Oct-03/6:28 AM
Despite the previous vote of ten, I really wasn't convinced until the last line - and really, if it was a poem of just that one line, I would be just as satisfied. this bit in particular: "Left me scraping our palette of lost love" gave me a little grimace. Dont' get me wrong though, I do really like the idea of the empty easel as it relates to a missing person, then the memory of him/her as the painting; that's really cool. Just thinking the palete related stuff feels awkward - complicates the composition of the poem ... (keep it to three things, one that contrasts with the other two, right?)
Re: Whispering (Zero Atmosphere) by Y2kSlamPoet	9-Oct-03/6:35 AM
First off, and I haven't even read the thing - the physical look of it (the concreteness) is very appealing. Okay, gonna read it now... easy stuff first: consider "... by [the] poet's pen" (possessive pen). I realize you might have intentionally pluralized poets and referred to pen in a singular sense, but thats gonna be too complicated for most people. The general idea is well stated, and I think it buys you a "bye" on the slightly trite language in stanza three. I love the dipping cupped hands - fairly stunning. Tweak stanza three and you'll have a real winner.
regarding some deleted poem...	9-Oct-03/6:54 AM
typo police: dang s/b dank.
Re: Horus's Musical Instrument of Torment by Y2kSlamPoet	9-Oct-03/6:59 AM
this best part: "to melt that cursed instrument and bury it in wet cement." is sadly buried in the rest of it - but your audience of one will likely appreciate the piece more. which is cool.
Re: A History of Truth by Blue Magpie	9-Oct-03/11:32 AM
For something so long you'd better grab me very tightly fairly early on. I don't feel grabbed. There's alot of information here, but the credibility of it gets tainted right at the start with statements like "Jesus made Pilot feel uncomfortable". It sounds like a line made just for the sake of the rhyme (with trouble?). Unforced rhyming and solid information is *extremely* difficult. Lots of good data, lots of great, interesting names - its just that the vehicle is a bit tedious. And I will say, the last stanza is mostly superb. Lastly - much of this is iambic pentameter, so I found myself trying to continue that to the not conforming lines; that makes it hard to get a consistent rythm. Maybe you could string a couple sonnets together? Extend it by a bit to make a crown? Good stuff.
Re: Ecohippie by ?-Dave_Mysterious-?	9-Oct-03/12:34 PM
Nice! Flows really well, is entertaining - the timing of the ending is perfect. a small nit: dumpt the "that" after "shit" and the "the" after "to" as in "Not the shit they sell to tourists."
Re: Never Love A Poet by Caducus	9-Oct-03/12:40 PM
Pretty awesome, really. should be "heart[']s" I think tho. None of the rhyming seems forced, which is cool. If you are so moved, maybe you could consider replacing the second "the 3 words" with "them"? It might just be me, but I felt distracted by the duplication (as if I was missing something, thinking "it must be so for a reason").
Re: NIGHTMILK SUNBLOOD by horus8	9-Oct-03/5:01 PM
Some lovely images here including the kitten bit (confusing though with drowning and kite string - maybe just the effects of the rye and ergot fungus?) at the start, can you do something with "sun falls down" - where else might it fall? Up? "frost blow-touch" is noteable; nice. I'm not going to pretend to understand about a quarter of it, but it has a nice flow nonetheless, so I'll just go along for the ride.
Re: Reptilian by Christof	9-Oct-03/5:08 PM
Memorable: "My laughter forgets happiness And my drinking remembers thirst"
Re: A Countercultural Trip by peaceseeker	9-Oct-03/5:16 PM
It is neat how it reads louder and louder as one gets further down the poem. I do think the knob could be turned a bit faster though. You might accomplish this by either trimming the extra words, "to his anger" to "it", for example and restructuring the line breaks (okay, that might be deconstructive criticsm... maybe it's REconstructive...) The ending has a nice snap to it.
Re: facku by J.B. Manning	9-Oct-03/5:20 PM
So, am I wrong about this - we only get three entries a week, right? If I were to give you 3 dollars, would you eat one - or, if say I were to give you 3 apples... wait - get your own damn apples.
regarding some deleted poem...	9-Oct-03/5:31 PM
Although this may be true for these flowers, and I don't mean to be insulting, because they are likely near and dear to your heart, but I'm having trouble seeing/hearing the bigger picture. Not getting the "ahhh, most exerrent..." moment; how it rings true for me. And ah, what the hell, I sound like a prick already - it could do without the alliteration.
regarding some deleted poem...	9-Oct-03/5:37 PM
Hey - this rocks. How you used such small and simple words to such great effect is, literally, beyond me. Ten; my first since I got here.
Re: recede into deceit by skaskowski	9-Oct-03/5:40 PM
great start, last two lines: splat. I keep thinking about a bathroom, then horseshoes - I NEED those last two lines dammit.
Re: leaping into loss by skaskowski	9-Oct-03/5:45 PM
"where concrete and water meet flush with each other." is very good. You might have used whisper one too many times. I was digging it until I hit the word "surreal" - this is close to something very good I think.