regarding some deleted poem...	5-Oct-03/6:26 PM
A nice narrative, I liked the punch ending. Cute. the mother's red glow is a great image. Consider mom's instead though, either way 'twas good.
regarding some deleted poem...	5-Oct-03/6:35 PM
I like that it requires some thought to decipher; the sarcasm isn't immediately obvious - maybe I've just been trained to think poems about music are laudatory, dunno. The use of mawk is interesting, too - but I don't know if that's an industry term, or a "soundword" or it's supposed to evoke a feeling of sluggish fingers... in either case, it pops out like a sour note, so I think it's appropriate.
regarding some deleted poem...	5-Oct-03/7:29 PM
There are some nice bits in here, but I don't know - some of the word choices make me scratch my brain: Hurryness (odd coinage), tawdry (overused), lamed fur (yes, it is a correct usage, but hardly anyone will interpret it as interwoven fabric, they will more likely think of an animal with a broken leg), ardour(? missing a verb or something) I could see this being interesting if it were carried to an extreme, so from that sense it's kindof cool. If you are moved to tweek this, consider choosing the specific brand of cigarette, and maybe build on the, "his eyes flashed out by too many dusks rubbing rust into his eyes" because that, actually, has a nice flavor to it. Howbout replacing "bawdy jokes" with maybe a punch-line from one?
Re: such a horrible thing to waste by Freethinker1602	6-Oct-03/7:53 AM
A contemplation on suicide with a nice twist to it. This touching the lips of a lover must be a universal thing; such a nice image. And I think the refrain works really well.
Re: castle of pandas by FreeFormFixation	6-Oct-03/7:58 AM
Maybe the republican guard should shoot them all in their black-encircled eyes? Is crazy. This is crazy freeform flow/klang association. Well, at least it rhymes part way; all good poems rhyme, right?
Re: silent struggle by princesszoe	6-Oct-03/7:30 PM
I like the image - of slicing part of oneself to give to another. That is really conveyed entirely in the second stanza; I struggle to find meaning in the first. Dampen deep? Damp and deep? maybe just an interesting coinage - maybe some change? words dripping like tears is - used. I think the first stanza was just a warm up exercise for the second (this is not uncommon) - let it evaporate like sweat, and keep the second as a base for something very nice.
Re: Orchidess by abecedarian	6-Oct-03/7:39 PM
Well, that was interesting - what is this show rated!! I don't think I've ever read an orchid sex poem like it. Wait, I've never read an orchid sex poem. what is "Watch we" - I posted a poem earlier about nanotech, and thought I might have focused on a relatively small group of folks who would "get it" - I'm pretty sure this would elicit a similar response. Hey - ya can't save em all!
regarding some deleted poem...	7-Oct-03/8:15 AM
This does have a clean feel about it - The line break at blade... and broken stars shining... I stuggle, within the poem's easy flow, to make sense of it. You've got four senses here, I think that adds to the appeal. I'm not sure what it means, but I like the impression it leaves with me.
regarding some deleted poem...	7-Oct-03/8:25 AM
I see "broken heart" and I get immediately jaded, I'm sorry for that. As I've been recently reminded - it's in the showing, not the telling; this just tells me "I'm lonely because I have a broken heart". See, I saved you fifty words. Perhaps focusing on the echo of lonliness? But even that is pretty telling. Some way to show the echo within the cavity of a shattered rib cage?? The section with that is kindof cool.
Re: Why You All Suck by ?-Dave_Mysterious-?	7-Oct-03/8:37 AM
excuse me, but it should be "...[aint] got [no] arms." It's actually a good start to something (I can think of many more reasons why you/we all suck). And, well, it kinda rhymes - so it must be good.
Re: Primal Reality by peaceseeker	7-Oct-03/10:11 AM
I read the whole thing and as I neared the end I began to panic, because I could feel my time to make some sense of it all running out. It does however, have some engaging language in the flashback about the garden - that's a nice snapshot.
Re: Ravens Flight - Voices of Spite (My First Ever Vilanelle) by Don-Quixote	7-Oct-03/12:00 PM
It's a Vilanelle alright - Poe would like it; i likes it. Go for the Sestina. Do it. Do it now before all the ideas get used up!!
Re: Shoe Hole by Bobjim	7-Oct-03/1:27 PM
Kew Gardens, New York? I'm stuck by "Phillips stick-sole" - is that a type of rubber sole, like Vibram? As an aside, I was watching "Enterprise", and as the aliens climbed the ladder I could see the bottoms of their boots and that orange oval "Vibrams"; oops. Only a couple of the rhymes seemed forced (first felt it with "shutters", "boggies" a bit too). I bet you could firm up the last quatrain. At any rate, it is a very fun one. How on earth did you come up with it? I mean, "shoe hole" isn't exactly a common idea.
Re: The Wrath of Dan Ackroyd by ?-Dave_Mysterious-?	7-Oct-03/1:53 PM
Hey - what kind of sonnet is this? You is funnin' me, right?? Is this why you are called "mysterious"? Teach me something.