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Never Love A Poet (Free verse) by Caducus
Hours slumber Silence becomes tangible And the oscillating pendulum mocks me. If she’d lost my number That would be understandable, I want to call her, Yet pride stops me. Intimacy distanced me from you Does my love have to be spoken to be true? Feelings are sometimes like poetry, They cannot be explained, Like the times you’d say no to me. My feelings are like metaphors, When you look at me, I must feel seen, And I’ll open my doors and share with you my dreams. There are many like me, Yet I am unique, My mind is strong, But my hearts so weak. She called me and was crying. I annoyed her by being civilized, Our love was dying, But I never realized. Just for once say you love me she said, So I uttered the 3 words she had waited so long for, But it was to late the line went dead. So I had told these 3 words to silence, Somewhat of an irony The one thing she hated about me, Was on the line to me. I wonder how well people really know one another, Sibling to sibling, Lover to lover.

Up the ladder: When old men die
Down the ladder: The Spirit Of Giving

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Arithmetic Mean: 7.0
Weighted score: 6.7615943
Overall Rank: 448
Posted: October 9, 2003 8:29 AM PDT; Last modified: October 9, 2003 8:29 AM PDT
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Comments:
[8] irishfolksuicide @ 81.178.220.202 | 9-Oct-03/9:02 AM | Reply
first verse is the best, a very eccentric rhyming scheme but it seems to work.

A small criticism is the use of a narrative too much, rather than setting the scene and letting the reader infer. When the poet takes the interpetation away from the reader, the reader feels like he is prying.

Other than that good stuff
[8] tadpole @ 64.12.96.135 | 9-Oct-03/9:25 AM | Reply
I like it. . . I just don't get what you are saying in the 4th and 5th to last lines. . .8
[9] Bachus @ 24.126.113.154 | 9-Oct-03/9:27 AM | Reply
Robert Johnson's "Phonograph blues". (That's what I was listening to while just reading this). How are you? I missed you.
[n/a] Caducus @ 62.105.119.105 > Bachus | 9-Oct-03/10:20 AM | Reply
I'm fine my blue collared beat bud ! Its national poetry day in England today and i am off to blow the dust off a few slap heads with some of more upbeat work. Funny aint it, how on national poetry day nobody at the library knew? This is the birthplace pf Phillip Larkin and nobody knew in the library.

I will e-mail you soon m8 !

Let the shenanigans begin !
[8] Shuushin @ 147.154.235.51 | 9-Oct-03/12:40 PM | Reply
Pretty awesome, really.

should be "heart[']s" I think tho.

None of the rhyming seems forced, which is cool.

If you are so moved, maybe you could consider replacing the second "the 3 words" with "them"? It might just be me, but I felt distracted by the duplication (as if I was missing something, thinking "it must be so for a reason").
[10] hobojo @ 166.94.223.99 | 7-Nov-03/8:06 AM | Reply
This reflects the communication barrier I have been dealing with lately - this resonates with regret - something I try never to feel - 10
[10] Ranger @ 62.252.32.15 | 19-Mar-06/2:31 PM | Reply
This just popped up on the random cycle, at last a decent poem to arrive through it!
Ordinarily I'd read but not comment, but this has so many grand lines in...'I must feel seen' is quite astonishing even in its relative simplicity. And I can't really say how awesome I think stanza 3 is. I just can't.
Superb.
[1] deleted user @ 198.54.202.234 | 29-Jul-06/11:34 AM | Reply
You really need to work on your grammar.
[1] conny lingers @ 0:0:0:0:0:0:0:1 | 2-Feb-21/8:46 AM | Reply
A bit too earnest and dull for my exotic tastes.
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