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Unrequited (Free verse) by DevilTmptrss
You greet me with my name like a soft caress; two words that say to me more than you express. soft, and slow, and fragrantly you linger on my mind You torture me sweet like cool showers in the spring or flowers in the fall. temptation, pressure, unknown pleasure, an illusion so unkind Your eyes, like precious trinkets behind glass, tease beyond my reach. love, and lust, and longing You are real and what I feel is not. touch, and taste, and tantalizing tenderness within a warm embrace You speak to me gently like a summer's breeze and are oblivious to my heart like winter is to thaw.

Down the ladder: The Shadow

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Arithmetic Mean: 5.0
Weighted score: 5.0
Overall Rank: 7710
Posted: August 7, 2002 9:17 PM PDT; Last modified: August 7, 2002 9:17 PM PDT
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Comments:
[6] Shuushin @ 207.5.211.177 | 7-Oct-03/6:43 PM | Reply
I has a very sweet cadence, one that rings true; a lovely flow.

There are a couple "too easy" references though, which would be nice if tweeked out ("like a summers breeze", "like cool showers in the spring") - and I think "sweet" wants to be an adverb. "flowers in the Fall" is pretty good as describing a torture.

It's a good, honest expression of love - though I haven't fallen in love with it (I'm happy to have it as a good friend).
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