Free verse № 69206
Whispering (Zero Atmosphere)
Thrice the universe turned in my sleep
cupped his hands-- dipped into me
and drank deep.
The mushroom that is my brain
discovered hallucination- shroom mentor arrived
teaching it to spread spores by casting it
into gods breath, it was then that he
whispered to me:
Created within my image;
fallen child, set yourself free.
Take what is yours, break the vines
that imprison you, and remember this:
This voice is just an echo;
Believe not in me- the almighty-
a frail voice of desperate revelations.
Believe in you and no other;
consider still the utterings
of those close at heart
and follow your navigation
with confidence.
Startling it was- this faint memory
of life before oxygen
uncovered by poets pen.
4 comments
easy stuff first: consider "... by [the] poet's pen" (possessive pen). I realize you might have intentionally pluralized poets and referred to pen in a singular sense, but thats gonna be too complicated for most people.
The general idea is well stated, and I think it buys you a "bye" on the slightly trite language in stanza three.
I love the dipping cupped hands - fairly stunning. Tweak stanza three and you'll have a real winner.
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