Shuushin9 Oct 2003

First off, and I haven't even read the thing - the physical look of it (the concreteness) is very appealing. Okay, gonna read it now...

easy stuff first: consider "... by [the] poet's pen" (possessive pen). I realize you might have intentionally pluralized poets and referred to pen in a singular sense, but thats gonna be too complicated for most people.

The general idea is well stated, and I think it buys you a "bye" on the slightly trite language in stanza three.

I love the dipping cupped hands - fairly stunning. Tweak stanza three and you'll have a real winner.