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leaping into loss (Free verse) by skaskowski
i crept along the lip of a crevasse, the creek and tunnel below sin black. both beckoned my body to tumble down, fumble and slide deep inside where the whispering waters fade into the night. something calls out from that odd intersection; where concrete and water meet flush with each other. a crude voice, a whisper, or a child's screams, calling for help, do i dare stay here even one more minute? a smashed television, a painted underpass further down the tracks, all so attractive and surreal to me. but no dream could sound so eerie, like a thousand voices screaming in horror at once. and that's just a car passing overhead.

Up the ladder: Up for a game?

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Arithmetic Mean: 6.714286
Weighted score: 5.4610424
Overall Rank: 2870
Posted: October 9, 2003 1:47 PM PDT; Last modified: October 9, 2003 1:47 PM PDT
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Comments:
[5] Shuushin @ 207.5.211.177 | 9-Oct-03/5:45 PM | Reply
"where concrete and water
meet flush with each other." is very good.

You might have used whisper one too many times.

I was digging it until I hit the word "surreal" - this is close to something very good I think.
[n/a] skaskowski @ 216.125.247.11 > Shuushin | 9-Oct-03/9:27 PM | Reply
ohhhhhh sheeeeit, no you di'int!!!!!!!!
[8] horus8 @ 24.126.113.154 | 10-Oct-03/11:09 AM | Reply
Some unique sense persuasion occuring here.
[8] tadpole @ 24.55.116.69 | 10-Oct-03/12:25 PM | Reply
Whoa
[10] sliver @ 63.189.1.34 | 7-Nov-04/1:57 PM | Reply
At the mention of concrete, my perception changed right away. At first I imagined this in the mountains or something. Well written and profound. It has an interpretation all it's own for me.
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