|
|
leaping into loss (Free verse) by skaskowski
i crept along
the lip of a crevasse,
the creek and tunnel below
sin black.
both beckoned my body
to tumble down, fumble and
slide deep inside
where the whispering waters fade
into the night.
something calls out
from that odd intersection;
where concrete and water
meet flush with each other.
a crude voice, a whisper,
or a child's screams,
calling for help,
do i dare stay here
even one more minute?
a smashed television,
a painted underpass
further down the tracks,
all so attractive
and surreal to me.
but no dream could
sound so eerie,
like a thousand voices screaming
in horror at once.
and that's just a car passing overhead.
Votes: (green: user, blue: anonymous)
| Graph | Votes |
10 |
|
1 | 1 |
9 |
|
0 | 0 |
8 |
|
2 | 0 |
7 |
|
0 | 0 |
6 |
|
1 | 0 |
5 |
|
1 | 0 |
4 |
|
0 | 0 |
3 |
|
0 | 0 |
2 |
|
0 | 0 |
1 |
|
0 | 0 |
0 |
|
1 | 0 |
|
Arithmetic Mean: 6.714286
Weighted score: 5.4610424
Overall Rank: 2870
Posted: October 9, 2003 1:47 PM PDT; Last modified: October 9, 2003 1:47 PM PDT
View voting details
Comments:
268 view(s)
|
meet flush with each other." is very good.
You might have used whisper one too many times.
I was digging it until I hit the word "surreal" - this is close to something very good I think.