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"She Phoned This Morning" (Free verse) by ARTIE As I woke on berth of linen in gray,
jubilant charmed voice did herald my way.
A vision remembered of soft curves displayed
from which spoke the voice of an Angel, now not far away.
Oh, how my soul doth yearn, for this sight and sound on each new day.
Up the ladder:
On the Discovery of Bacchus and Lovely Clothespins
Down the ladder:
Achilles, Mothers, and the Gods of war
Votes: (green: user, blue: anonymous)
Arithmetic Mean: 6.714286
Posted: June 20, 2004 8:10 PM PDT; Last modified: June 20, 2004 8:10 PM PDTWeighted score: 5.4610424 Overall Rank: 2893 Comments:
[8]
Nateislate @ 67.42.34.70
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20-Jun-04/8:35 PM
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Reply
Liked it, but the "soul doth yearn" line made me wonder what century it was.
Sounds too much like only the decent beginning of a more substantial poem. I appreciate the use of language. *7*
Good, but I'd like to see you expand it. The "soul doth yearn" thing is a bit (very) old school, but hey, whatever floats your boat.
"doth", "do'eth", "does"; I chose "doth" just because...er...well... I used to read a lot of Shakespeare's sonnets. Ok, maybe it is a little out of date. Thanks for your inputs.
This will be a work in progress as I really liked the way this first stanza turned out. I'll have her call again soon and inspire me toward more. Stay tuned.....
I love the way you say "As I woke on berth of linen" without an indefinite article, though that would be the obvious and correct thing to do.
sense and sensibility permeates this piece, which indeed seems more like the intro to what is a beautiful ode to love lost
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