DetailsThe poem, its numbers, and the conversation.

"She Phoned This Morning"

Member since 2002 · Posted 20 Jun 2004 · 7 comments

As I woke on berth of linen in gray, jubilant charmed voice did herald my way. A vision remembered of soft curves displayed from which spoke the voice of an Angel, now not far away. Oh, how my soul doth yearn, for this sight and sound on each new day.

Rate it

0 is the worst, 10 the best. Pick a number, add a comment if you like, then send it. Keys: 0–9 pick, Enter sends.

mean 6.71 weighted 5.46 rank 2892 views 224 View voting details →

7 votes so far. Yours would make 8.7 votes so far

7 comments

[8] Nateislate 20-Jun-04/8:35 PM Reply

Liked it, but the "soul doth yearn" line made me wonder what century it was.

[7] MacFrantic 21-Jun-04/1:19 AM Reply

Sounds too much like only the decent beginning of a more substantial poem. I appreciate the use of language. *7*

[8] wilco 21-Jun-04/2:35 PM Reply

Good, but I'd like to see you expand it. The "soul doth yearn" thing is a bit (very) old school, but hey, whatever floats your boat.

[n/a] ARTIE 21-Jun-04/3:04 PM Reply

"doth", "do'eth", "does"; I chose "doth" just because...er...well... I used to read a lot of Shakespeare's sonnets. Ok, maybe it is a little out of date. Thanks for your inputs.
This will be a work in progress as I really liked the way this first stanza turned out. I'll have her call again soon and inspire me toward more.
Stay tuned.....

[7] zodiac 21-Jun-04/9:03 PM Reply

I love the way you say "As I woke on berth of linen" without an indefinite article, though that would be the obvious and correct thing to do.

[7] daniella 2-Sep-14/4:07 PM Reply

sense and sensibility permeates this piece, which indeed seems more like the intro to what is a beautiful ode to love lost

[n/a] ARTIE › daniella 2-Sep-14/4:49 PM Reply

Thanks and it was an irony; to love lost and a love to gain.
I waffled between "did herald my way" and "did herald my day" but I think the past/present tenses would've worked in either case.