Re: lullaby by the indign	1-Apr-04/6:01 PM
too "listy" - yes, I made that word up. Gimme so flow, gimme some "poetry".
regarding some deleted poem...	1-Apr-04/6:04 PM
2nd person... very difficult to pull off; I had trouble "feeling" this. "Altophobia" - lowercase?
Re: Color me Lifeless by alverland theme park	1-Apr-04/6:05 PM
Sad, but - thankfully - short (this kind of thing can get old quickly)
Re: My Apology by capachijim	1-Apr-04/6:06 PM
yep. that works.
Re: Chemistry by <Wankster>	1-Apr-04/6:09 PM
Four spelling errors. Is the ending counter-intuitive, or am I missing something?
Re: Cargo pants by tre	1-Apr-04/6:12 PM
"sorority" Sure, I get it.
Re: PEOPLE. (Debut) by Doc	1-Apr-04/8:18 PM
Yuppy, or hippy? Got my attention, gimme more you commie bastard. Oh, crap - did I say that out loud?
Re: Don't Cry, Sharon Tate by wilco	1-Apr-04/8:22 PM
I forgot who sharon tate was. Don't make me google. Sounds good anyway though.
Re: The Day The World Blew Away by OfaRevolutionAJD	2-Apr-04/5:25 PM
Five gallons in a ten gallon hat.
Re: ode to summer dreams by jsd	2-Apr-04/6:08 PM
"put a little love in this hole" Thats Pr0n, right?
regarding some deleted poem...	2-Apr-04/6:12 PM
Kinda got lost after the the cop called in the dogs, but it kept my interest, which is fairly amazing considering the amound of letters you made me sound out. Still, a ten in my book.
Re: Almost One by thepinkbunnyofdoom	2-Apr-04/8:47 PM
Why does this remind me of every song from 1976 to 1983?
Re: Shower by unouluvme	2-Apr-04/8:49 PM
a rewrite?
Re: Wartner by unouluvme	2-Apr-04/8:52 PM
That last bit has to go. And if you are going to offer up a rewrite, you should especially fix the spelling errors - there really is no good excuse for that.
Re: Summers Breath on my neck by unouluvme	2-Apr-04/8:53 PM
"green" once - certainly not three times. summer[']s
regarding some deleted poem...	2-Apr-04/8:57 PM
3 spelling errors - why? Four if you count "rumbled" which prolly shuld be "rumble" This is almost good, but the "plethora" of heavy modifiers drags it down.
Re: It Won't Last Long by Spindle	2-Apr-04/8:59 PM
Topical, I spose.
Re: Red Dress Wearing One Boot Cowboy by Lenore	2-Apr-04/9:00 PM
agreed, good title.
regarding some deleted poem...	3-Apr-04/11:18 AM
I very much like "cursive rinds of cigarette smoke" - is that yours?? not sure stolid works in this context; it might attribute too much to the plow... have a 10
regarding some deleted poem...	4-Apr-04/6:35 AM
loose "drinking blood" imho - it doesn't add anything, in fact the verb is weaker than the image I had in my head at the time - that's a key general point, btw. In general, if you can't describe something better or different than what the reader's imagination will render - then don't. Note that this is different than stating something that might be obvious to the reader in order to manipulate his standard thought process - take William Carlos Williams example for this: The Red Wheelbarrow (William Carlos Williams ) so much depends upon a red wheel barrow glazed with rain water beside the white chickens. ------------- know what I mean, vern? okay. I'll stop now. have a nine, and not just for putting up with my spouting - its a good poem.