Re: matador by ThePariahDog	31-Mar-04/8:08 PM
Feels a tad too "thesorisized". I think it might need more to bring it back to the human condition (cuz, well - its not really about bulls, is it?)
Re: A wicked rose grows in God's grapevine. by SupremeDreamer	31-Mar-04/8:12 PM
Try a version of this that isn't in the first person, see if you still buy it. (I'm not saying you won't, but it might help refine the thought).
Re: Over Simplification by Richard	31-Mar-04/8:15 PM
prolly a good performance piece; it makes interesting sounds.
Re: Transport by baughworm	31-Mar-04/8:17 PM
feels pretty close to something good. I think I need a character reference; a perspective to have it make sense to me.
Re: Transport by baughworm	31-Mar-04/8:17 PM
feels pretty close to something good. I think I need a character reference; a perspective to have it make sense to me.
regarding some deleted poem...	31-Mar-04/8:18 PM
"later " - layer?
Re: Watching The Rose Grow by Blindpoetry	31-Mar-04/8:19 PM
nicely and subtly rhymed. EXCEPT HOBBY/LOBBY - god, fix that please.
Re: I Have A Love by Spindle	31-Mar-04/8:24 PM
(no title in body please). Actually a little twist there in the second to last line. Sounds (the situation) so wonderful but then there is this little shadow of doubt (the quarreling). Would be nice to exploit this more. Something like "He's so thoughtful and kind and everything is so wonderful except for the way he stares at my sister's ass when he thinks I don't see" kindof thing.
Re: Mariana by wilco	31-Mar-04/8:26 PM
"caustic words of love"... interesting. some nice/interesting images/similies
Re: A Dangling Poo by zodiac	31-Mar-04/8:36 PM
Dust off the geetar, grab yer jamming buddy M.G. and you just might have a HIT - call your agent! I gotta say though, nobody does the [browne] like -=DA=-
regarding some deleted poem...	31-Mar-04/8:39 PM
Points for using formed verse - which is good cuz you need it to make up for life/strife.
Re: hands by New Life Drug	31-Mar-04/9:56 PM
Yeah, that works.
Re: Finest Hour by creedclay	1-Apr-04/9:00 AM
not bad. a tad longer than it needs to be AND, I like to come to my own conclusions in a poem - without the author telegraphing what I should be perceiving. Like telling me its a "picturesque scene" then proceeding to describe it to me. One or the other, preferrably the other. Same thing with nature at its finest hour, imparting a lesson in life - know what I mean, vern?
Re: Shampoo and Condition by Luzr	1-Apr-04/10:21 AM
Wondering if you could somehow structure the thing to not sound like a shopping list of ennui; to flow a little better. couple good lines, the starting one in particular. But there are a few things that nag, like why dress to impress when there is vomit on ones face? I mean, other than the line _sounds_ cute - (maybe better in another poem, but then thats been done already I think). There's prolly a very nice poem in here after a little distillation.
regarding some deleted poem...	1-Apr-04/3:28 PM
From this a poem you shall make. this is very good: "Under the white sheets your heat dripped onto mine and it wasn’t the first time our bodily fluids combined But it was the last time I wanted you near me"
Re: Jesus-f-ingChrist I'm Sober by embersandenvelopes	1-Apr-04/3:31 PM
sheep is as sheep does. not baaaa-ahd.
Re: Municipal park by richa	1-Apr-04/3:35 PM
Hmmm. Strong methinks - strong. and "have" should be "have" - you knew that, right?
regarding some deleted poem...	1-Apr-04/3:38 PM
I like this one quite a bit - can you loose the word "quest" though - maybe "exercise" instead?? (its actually possible you could loose the entire stanza...)
regarding some deleted poem...	1-Apr-04/3:41 PM
okay. I like it.
Re: Leaves, hope and dreams by aliena	1-Apr-04/5:58 PM
hey aliena, good descriptors - now you just need to say something with them.