poemranker ::Shampoo and Condition by Luzr

DetailsThe poem, its numbers, and the conversation.

Free verse № 95669

Shampoo and Condition

by Luzr

Member since 2003 · Posted 1 Apr 2004 · 19 comments

The Razor catches on vomit dribble dried on my chin The tylenol's sitting next to my cup of rum doctored coffee Eyes straining from absorbing the daily comics Ears tuning into the catchy song sung to drag me awake Feet shuffling back and forth toward the shower Water beading across my head drumming small shouts of shock A mad dash to get dressed to impress Arms doing as they do best Reaching across the house in slight haste Cancer rushing to take my breath Punch the clock and walk to the back Push a pen across paper and talk til I'm sick to death Get out to my car and call up memories of friends See what I've missed, then drive across town 3 times To play the same old drinking games Talk til I've said whatever it takes Push the bull, til the glass breaks Whatever is left standing better than shattered Take home to be beaten and battered Then dump it outside where it belongs The satisfaction substaining me until I wake up in the middle of the night Just until I remember Brew a fresh pot of rum doctered coffee Rinse Wash Repeat

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19 comments

[6] zodiac 1-Apr-04/8:58 AM Reply
I have so many questions about this one. Please write back if you're still here.
[n/a] Luzr › zodiac 1-Apr-04/8:59 AM Reply
Okay, What you wondering
[6] zodiac › Luzr 1-Apr-04/9:03 AM Reply
You seem so aware of how meaningless your routine is, so WHY DON'T YOU JUST FUCKING STOP DOING IT, YOU BABY?!
[n/a] Luzr › zodiac 1-Apr-04/9:15 AM Reply
A. Fictional, for the most part. B. Thats the point. Meaningless Day to Day. Notice some items in the first 2 lines to make that better? Apparently not. There is more here than you see. The question being whose the baby? The meaning isn't in the actions. Its in the tone and title. Look beyond the surface.
[6] zodiac › Luzr 1-Apr-04/9:55 AM Reply
Yes, it's obviously fictional. That's my point.

PS- "Look beyond the surface" is a fucking laugh riot. Beyond this poem's surface is much, much more surface.
[n/a] thepinkbunnyofdoom › zodiac 2-Apr-04/9:35 AM Reply
Beautiful. Just beautiful. The point is meaninglessness. And it took you a whole of what? 10 seconds? 15? I bow before you, oh mighty understander of all things written.
[6] zodiac › thepinkbunnyofdoom 2-Apr-04/9:48 AM Reply
In Poem School where I currently attend we are frequently required to perform hideous 'Poetry Drills' involving rapid de-ambiguification of famous and infamous poems while jumping quickly in place on our desks. The professors and other staff stand around us, mocking our efforts and not-infrequently pulling our uniform sweatpants down to our ankles (Poetry Drills often taking place on Gym Day for exactly that reason.)

That said, the one interpretation I missed is that TPBOD is your name, which makes me sorry for having made so much fun of your poem. I wouldn't have been so harsh if I'd known it was you.
[6] zodiac › zodiac 2-Apr-04/9:58 AM Reply
Regarding the 'point', consider this: If I were such a drunken fuck-up as the narrator of this story, I probably wouldn't read poetry or have the self-awareness to recognize the narrator's situation as being like to my own (or to care if I did.) Ditto for you as writer. So this poem could mean nothing to an actual drunk living a boring self-destructive life; he would most likely not change his behavior in the slightest, even if he did happen to read it. Nor could it mean anything to me as a non-self-destructive non-boring reader, except to make me feel a little good and self-righteous about not being a boring drunk, which I don't really care for in a poem - and which is a false self-righteousness, anyway, since it's not a real drunk I'm feeling better than but a creation of your non-drunk imagination. A simple way to fix this is to position your actual self in the poem watching the drunk. Then you don't have to deal with the problem of the drunk's self-awareness and we can learn all kinds of interesting things about you which aren't fictional - that you're the kind of person who would write about a boring drunk, to say the least. And it would necessarily be true and believable.
[n/a] thepinkbunnyofdoom › zodiac 7-Apr-04/11:25 AM Reply
Its not talking about drunks, yes it centers around one, but he's what is putting himself in the cycle. We do it, day by day. We set ourselves on the same paths we followed the day before, and wonder why things are so dull, or always so painful. Thats what I'm talking about here. Constant conditioning of self.
[n/a] aliena 1-Apr-04/9:34 AM Reply
My routine has been quite as meaningless for the past 2 months. Perhaps even more so. It can summed in 4 words... eat, sleep, eat, sleep....... Wish I could put it words like you
[7] Shuushin 1-Apr-04/10:21 AM Reply
Wondering if you could somehow structure the thing to not sound like a shopping list of ennui; to flow a little better.

couple good lines, the starting one in particular. But there are a few things that nag, like why dress to impress when there is vomit on ones face?

I mean, other than the line _sounds_ cute - (maybe better in another poem, but then thats been done already I think).

There's prolly a very nice poem in here after a little distillation.
[9] deleted user 1-Apr-04/12:47 PM Reply
I thought it was a definition of ennui, too, until the "Cancer" line. Makes the "dress to impress" a little more somber.
[8] New Life Drug 1-Apr-04/6:56 PM Reply
i cant tell if u have a hangover or are experiencing side effects from radiation therapy..
[n/a] thepinkbunnyofdoom › New Life Drug 2-Apr-04/9:38 AM Reply
I have no idea what a hangover feels like, much less radiation, so I'm gonna say both but niether in the way you are thinking
[n/a] -=Dark_Angel=-, P.I. › thepinkbunnyofdoom 2-Apr-04/9:51 AM Reply
Perhaps you could tell me what sort of 'constant partying' you've been doing that doesn't involve a hangover. Do people's parents make you go home at 10:30? Or are you under the pathetic delusion that you can have a good time without drugs?
[n/a] thepinkbunnyofdoom › -=Dark_Angel=-, P.I. 7-Apr-04/11:27 AM Reply
I don't suffer hangovers. I never have. I either wake up sober or drunk, no pain what so ever.
[n/a] -=Dark_Angel=-, P.I. › thepinkbunnyofdoom 7-Apr-04/11:51 AM Reply
Yeah, but you're still about 12. Wait until you get older.
[n/a] thepinkbunnyofdoom › -=Dark_Angel=-, P.I. 7-Apr-04/12:42 PM Reply
Twelve? Come now, I'm not that old. Why I'd almost be to the point of Midlife Crisis in this Day and Age were I near so old as Twelve. I'm only 7.576 years old.
[n/a] -=Dark_Angel=-, P.I. › thepinkbunnyofdoom 7-Apr-04/1:07 PM Reply
Wacky numbers: beloved crutch of dullards everywhere.