Shuushin1 Apr 2004

Wondering if you could somehow structure the thing to not sound like a shopping list of ennui; to flow a little better.

couple good lines, the starting one in particular. But there are a few things that nag, like why dress to impress when there is vomit on ones face?

I mean, other than the line _sounds_ cute - (maybe better in another poem, but then thats been done already I think).

There's prolly a very nice poem in here after a little distillation.