dashes are throwing me off a little.

Whats it all mean?

I laughed, I cried.

nice job.

why didn't you just add a new poem instead of blowing this one away?

please. go someplace else with this crap.

I know what you are doing...

line break between that/they're is ungood.

I've thought of doing the line breaks like you have - it does make for a good flow, doesn't it.

Yep, thats a keeper.

I can appreciate the wordplay with the el sounds and the low sounds.

Good consistent imagery; nice.

hey, how bout a couple line breaks?

Should be more. Maybe less. I'm wonderin if maybe this could be combined with the one I just read...

Good topic; feels fresh.

All too many "all"s ...

zodiac, you're starting to scare me.

Me wander? should be "I and Jesus and Joan..."

and whats with martyr-dom? did you paste it from dictionary.com, by any chance?

What's all the DAMN YELLING in here??

My gawd.

nice to see you.

linebreak after "slowly," right?

This would be awesome read outloud.

is you from 100poems??

I like this - lowercase "i" sticks out though.

Would be most excellent in the martini glass were not repeated.

I like the cleanness of this. I'm gonna hammer it until you fix it.

I imagine some of the choppiness I read would be greatly smoothed by the singing of it.

it works; sure.

different. points for that.

I really don't mind the lowercase "i" as a tool themselves, but the capital usage with "I'll" kinda wrecks it.