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Martyrs in suburbia - (we wander like breezes) (Free verse) by zodiac
... We wander like breezes Among waxed-floored fluorescent-humming friezes, Me and Jesus and Joan of Arc. It’s Late – we catechize gray eggs and cheeses Casting out extra calories and magnesium For the making of omelets – oh, nothing pleases Martyrs like an omelet: it’s the breaking Of eggs that agrees with them. And the aisles are empty, bright and stark; it’s Hushed all through the midnight supermarket As lush, forgotten Elysium. And I'm tired, and Jesus is talking fast; he questions Onions, exhorts tomatoes - for him, martyr- dom, you know, is something more than a profession. - I look across where Joan is listening, testing Heart-shaped peppers, and can’t tell from expression If she remembers sacrifice is harder When you don’t know – it’s something Jesus couldn’t know now, become as he is (as Human as Zeus or Dionysus.) And I’m not scared to die or do my part or What they’d say – I'll be the seed that's threshed in That fiery immortal catechesis; Though when we get out in the warm, earthy dark, it Seems to me the whole damned Patriarchate’s Like cold, forgotten Elysium.

Up the ladder: Into the Wreckage
Down the ladder: Past memorial holidays

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Arithmetic Mean: 9.625
Weighted score: 6.243854
Overall Rank: 932
Posted: January 25, 2004 5:00 AM PST; Last modified: January 25, 2004 5:15 AM PST
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Comments:
[10] Goad @ 217.82.11.166 | 25-Jan-04/10:37 AM | Reply
MOST enjoyable. Is "I'll be the seed that's threshed in that fiery immortal catechesis" a metaphor for posting on pomeranker? That line's the only one that bugs me, because I'm not really sure what you mean by the fiery immortal catechesis.

st.2 l.4 I think it should it be I look across TO where or I look across the aisle and see or something. In any case, what you look across isn't what you're looking at. How's THAT for a nitpick, lol.
[n/a] zodiac @ 67.240.211.156 > Goad | 25-Jan-04/10:43 AM | Reply
Good call on the TO in the second stanza. I might risk losing my two - that's right, two! - 10s to change it. Otherwise all later readers will just have to consider it there. The immortal catechesis is a little odd, not a metaphor for poemranker per se, but a metaphor for growing up Catholic (and a serious one) with the expectation that being burned at a stake is better than, say, sitting on the hood of a car at night drinking Coronas.
[10] unouluvme @ 209.110.216.72 | 25-Jan-04/10:46 AM | Reply
I liked it. Im no proffesional critic or poet. but i liked it.
[n/a] deleted user @ 24.222.81.233 | 26-Jan-04/10:34 AM | Reply
They'll catch you soon.
[7] Shuushin @ 207.5.211.177 | 7-Apr-04/7:46 PM | Reply
Me wander? should be "I and Jesus and Joan..."

and whats with martyr-dom? did you paste it from dictionary.com, by any chance?
[n/a] zodiac @ 67.240.192.246 > Shuushin | 7-Apr-04/8:48 PM | Reply
Rhymes with harder and part-or. I have no need to have looked up martyrdom at dictionary.com, as ten years of Catholic-school nuns tattooed it in very large print on my ass.
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