| Poem: Submit | Random | Best | Worst | Recent | Comments |
|
A Quick Lick Of Yellow (Free verse) by Jeremi B. Handrinos A quick lick of yellow
Corona and slaves
hauling more stones
down path lit with hibachi.
Plying the night constructing
houses for Gods ennobled
by hands, many hands, with
fingers powdered by lime.
Imbibing Ra and Osiris
working a magical curium
Summoning things with
more names to prefecture.
Then remember me Pharaoh
In this quick lick of yellow
as the waters miasma to
find us middlebrow & wicked.
My dream I scans over pyramids
Watching the world swallow
itself out of need and set up
I am eternally sessile.
A quick lick of yellow
Timelessly uracil.
Up the ladder:
Jarooomeee
Down the ladder:
Aspic
Votes: (green: user, blue: anonymous)
Arithmetic Mean: 7.0
Posted: April 6, 2004 1:31 PM PDT; Last modified: April 6, 2004 1:31 PM PDTWeighted score: 6.462117 Overall Rank: 717 Comments:
[10]
wilco @ 24.176.102.131
|
6-Apr-04/1:34 PM
|
Reply
nice. You don't hear much about old Ra and Osiris these days...I wonder what they're up to?
[n/a]
Jeremi B. Handrinos @ 24.130.214.180
> wilco
|
6-Apr-04/1:58 PM
|
Reply
Up to their necks in bullshit like the lot of us more than likely.
A shockingly brown autoclam. -10-
A lesson in dictionary usage, and things Egyptian and Japanese. Miasma is a noun, but that's ok. Uracil is a colorless, crystalline, pyrimidine base, and not too well known. I'd prefer a more common word. Same for sessile.
Here's a lesson in poetry friend, anything fucking goes, try it sometime, and while you're at it, smile.
Did you not see the 9. And I'm smiling!
I feel like whenever I try to make a substantive comment on your poems you're like ohmygod bitch, like you can even and shit, but here goes:
I don't see why you didn't write "down a path lit with hibachi, (comma)" or something besides "as the waters miasma". Or why this doesn't make more like your usual amount of sense. But you do deserve props for inventing the first courier-specific poetry with your truly magical villanelle "Often, I'll sit down to pee." And for being the world's first successful Negro soul transplant. -10-
Yummy.
A timelessly, hand crafted guff-lung hewn from tramp-gusset scrappings.
I can appreciate the wordplay with the el sounds and the low sounds.
Good consistent imagery; nice.
A sick brick of shallow!
310 view(s)
|
||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
