on the two faces of the bar social. by darby pyn
12 Oct 2003, 9:46 AM
Needs more line breaks, and needs more explanation about what's going on.
on I wish I had a friend by un_oying
12 Oct 2003, 9:48 AM
pretty depressing.
on some deleted poem
12 Oct 2003, 9:49 AM
Spoken like a true trained killer.
Is this a fantasy about killing for your country?
Is this a fantasy about killing for your country?
on Beautiful Scars by William Delacroix
12 Oct 2003, 9:51 AM
say more about the beautiful scars, why were they beautiful? did she move on?
on She wishes by INTRANSIT
12 Oct 2003, 9:52 AM
obviously he doesn't know how to use either one.
on NUMERO UNO by gorbichoff
12 Oct 2003, 9:53 AM
sad. truly sad.
on some deleted poem
12 Oct 2003, 9:57 AM
Why do you care what stupid negative people think?
This one is very moving and well written.
This one is very moving and well written.
on A Countercultural Trip by peaceseeker
9 Oct 2003, 10:00 AM
CONSTRUCTIVE CRITICISM ONLY PLEASE.
THANKS.
THANKS.
on Therapy by http://bandgeek
11 Oct 2003, 7:03 AM
A beautiful account of sympathy sex gone wild.âº
on Memoirs IV by http://mulberryfairy
11 Nov 2003, 9:46 AM
Love the content, love the dialogue, but maybe you could portray the dialogue somehow without quotations in order to be more poem-y.
love -"sober blue eyes met with mine"
"feverish hands"
"spinning world"
"rust pimpled metal"
love -"sober blue eyes met with mine"
"feverish hands"
"spinning world"
"rust pimpled metal"
on some deleted poem
18 Nov 2003, 9:43 AM
The last four lines leave me hanging, say more about being in there too, maybe one more line.
on some deleted poem
25 Nov 2003, 10:19 AM
Now this is poetry.
-not sure what sickle cleaves sky means, nor what tamarisks are.
-not sure what sickle cleaves sky means, nor what tamarisks are.
on Revolution by Nitroxide
25 Nov 2003, 10:25 AM
YES!!
on fully awake by crwncka1
7 Jan 2004, 8:48 AM
nice journey (to "the conscious reunion with (your) love").
i love this.
i love this.
on some deleted poem
18 Mar 2004, 2:47 PM
shut your racist shit-trap
on She Crab by http://mulberryfairy
11 Oct 2004, 1:03 PM
So vivid I can smell the saltwater.
The crab looked alive, but was actually dead.
The lifelike floating legs and protruding passive eyes surveying all - kind of creepy, yet thought provoking!
The crab looked alive, but was actually dead.
The lifelike floating legs and protruding passive eyes surveying all - kind of creepy, yet thought provoking!
on just can't by shygirl1619
27 Jan 2005, 5:59 PM
you can do it!
do something else, now.
do something else, now.