Help | About | Suggestions | Alms | Chat [0] | Users [0] | Log In | Join
 Search:
Poem: Submit | Random | Best | Worst | Recent | Comments   

Memoirs IV (Free verse) by http://mulberryfairy
We paced the bridge agreeing, wordlessly to stop to gaze where whitecaps hid our favorite rock islands. Gawking in fear and rapture stilling ourselves in meditation until the bridge itself moved; a vast tugboat parting rapids. Suddenly feeling unstable, in zealous competition with the Earth's revolution considered reaching for corroded railings reconsidered, seeing sharp chips of pale green paint the erosion of cement around rust pimpled metal. Instead, held each other’s feverish hands to steady ourselves against the force of wind in our faces, a spinning world where the sound of water gushing over and through the dam made us oblivious to trucks' speedy passage but not the lurching of the bridge "Just look away." Sober blue eyes met with mine, looking up from under wind-scattered bangs “I wouldn’t be able to swim in there?” “No, not even if it were shallow enough to stand, it is moving much too fast.” “I could if I were a giant.” “Yes.” We ceased our investigation and walked home.

Up the ladder: Fathers
Down the ladder: Funeral of My Childhood

You must be logged in to leave comments. Vote:

Votes: (green: user, blue: anonymous)
 GraphVotes
10  .. 30
.. 30
.. 00
.. 00
.. 00
.. 00
.. 00
.. 00
.. 00
.. 00
.. 11

Arithmetic Mean: 7.125
Weighted score: 5.5715003
Overall Rank: 2428
Posted: November 9, 2003 12:22 PM PST; Last modified: November 9, 2003 12:22 PM PST
View voting details
Comments:
[9] http://findingwater @ 216.195.144.223 | 9-Nov-03/3:31 PM | Reply
Very nice. Try an allusion to the giant line early in the piece. Also, check tenses--I think they're okay, but I still found myself going hmmm.
[9] abecedarian @ 4.40.32.83 | 9-Nov-03/8:01 PM | Reply
I like your collection of snapshots. I didn't know they got hurricanes up in Maine, though. <~
[10] ShaNoN+960317485 @ 199.40.206.3 | 10-Nov-03/6:50 AM | Reply
Id call it a cowards act...But who cares...Luv the piece & a 10 wud glow fr this fr sure:o)
[10] peaceseeker @ 63.164.145.33 | 11-Nov-03/9:46 AM | Reply
Love the content, love the dialogue, but maybe you could portray the dialogue somehow without quotations in order to be more poem-y.
love -"sober blue eyes met with mine"
"feverish hands"
"spinning world"
"rust pimpled metal"
251 view(s)




Track and Plan your submissions ; Read some Comics ; Get Paid for your Poetry
PoemRanker Copyright © 2001 - 2024 - kaolin fire - All Rights Reserved
All poems Copyright © their respective authors
An internet tradition since June 9, 2001