Re: a comment on Star Studded Supermarket by [mojo]	27-May-05/12:22 AM
Thanks for that. Believe me I know this one is pretty rough, technically! I just wrote it in one hit and afterwards it seemed too long to be bothered to to edit n tweak! I know ...I'm lazy ...it's that whole balancing the fun with the work thing :) Care for the job? I'll paypal you 50p (that's about $135 i think) to do the editing for me? ha ha.
Re: a comment on Star Studded Supermarket by [mojo]	27-May-05/12:19 AM
really? Spelling? Oh, woops! Come on! Give me some credit I checked Swartzeneger and just assumed I got the others right! ha ha. I'll check them just for you.
Re: Flesh of Stone by Tangerines	21-Apr-05/3:18 AM
Excellent. The numbered verses might have seemed pretentious on a lesser work, but you pull it off. Quite excellent. 10.
Re: a comment on Stop by [mojo]	21-Apr-05/3:10 AM
huh?
Re: Head and Shoulders by Jeremi B. Handrinos	21-Apr-05/12:08 AM
Intriguing. Menthol shampoo or one of those wire devices?
Re: Minoan lover by Jeremi B. Handrinos	21-Apr-05/12:03 AM
Different. It bears the repetition well, but starts to founder. I'd cut verse 3. "House with no start" seems nonsencicle, or stretched at best.
Re: The temple of Dissaray by DeadtotheWorld	21-Apr-05/12:01 AM
I'm always wary of any poem with "pain" "misery" "torture" and "despair" on ONE line! Seems more than a little angst(y). And "Theirs" should be "There's".
Re: Layne Staley's Sunglasses by Jeremi B. Handrinos	20-Apr-05/11:59 PM
Overly bleak. Maybe i just prefer life AFFIRMING haiku?
Re: Blinking by zodiac	17-Apr-05/1:24 AM
I think I get it. And i'm sure i like it. I see the innocence of childhood being reinterpreted into the freedom of adult nudity. Or something. Either way it took some bravery yo tag a cock line onto a the end of a worthy poem, and for that you deserve at least some respect. 9. PS Reminds me my own effort at freedom here: http://www.poemranker.com/poem-details.jsp?id=123481
Re: For Ike by INTRANSIT	16-Nov-04/9:46 AM
Excellent. I was needing a little bit of rhyme and along it came... bang on time. V nice.
Re: His Master's Jodhpurs by -=Dark_Angel=-, P.I.	2-Feb-04/2:27 PM
I'm British, and therefore i naturally know what jodhpurs are, in fact i wear them frequently whilst shooting foxes etc... 10... (Toots on horn)... ;)
Re: a comment on Every single days's the same (Acrostic) by [mojo]	30-Oct-03/12:00 PM
Well, i figured it had to follow a definate form, so i thought concrete was best description.
Re: The deafening silence in the world or something by Bachus	7-Mar-03/4:28 PM
Straight over my head.1.
Re: Untitled by LucidRevelation	3-Feb-03/3:25 PM
Interesting structure. 6.
Re: Eternity by Jigg	3-Feb-03/3:21 PM
Plaintive but with an upbeat rhythm, a combination that works well 'till line seven, when it descends into borderline "angst" land. My advice, for what it's worth; you're better of going for "angry" than for "self-pity", especially with that rhythm. .5.
Re: I Am a Snob, or, 'A Definition' by JakeBike	3-Feb-03/3:17 PM
I have seen these symptoms, but, alas, you may be suffering from a side effect of reading to many of the poems to which you refer: "pedanticitis" .7.
Re: On The Bench Outside Gruhn's Guitars by <~>	3-Feb-03/3:12 PM
Elegant. Where's the guitar shop? I went to Manny's in NY once but i could only afford a T-Shirt after the hotel bill. 9.
Re: Lasting Forever by angel_uy	29-Dec-02/3:44 AM
Pleasant enough, but could do with a bit more "zing". Perhaps you could tell us more about this character? .6.
Re: PHandAcid by New Life Drug	29-Dec-02/3:39 AM
Second stanza struggled more than the first "later":"elevator", dodgy? Sounds more like a song lyric? Suggest a bit of pruning/tightening. .6.
Re: #10 by daniella	29-Dec-02/3:37 AM
Flows well. Sounds almost "free association", did you work at this this or write it in one hit? Sounds like something written when you're tired and it comes out easily? .9.