Re: which girl are you? by OMOMOMOM	15-Sep-09/8:38 PM
eh, cutesy but not really interesting.
Re: a comment on tone-deaf or color-blind by nentwined	11-Mar-09/8:30 PM
er, right--the audio. Linked @ http://kaolinfire.livejournal.com/441148.html
Re: tone-deaf or color-blind by nentwined	11-Mar-09/8:29 PM
I've been poeming a lot since ... last Friday, I think. I hit on a new voice in a few of them, and I'm trying to figure that out--but in the meantime, thoughts seem to be wanting to express themselves in this form. This is a thought, not something that's looking for publication, so it's not hidden for future re-working. In fact, as I'm listening to some beautiful YouTube mash-ups [[ http://thru-you.com/ ]] by a person named (or calling himself) Kutiman, I'd love to create some sort of dialog out of it. So: I hereby release the poem and its accompanying audio into the public domain; if you see some promise in either, do with them as thou wilt. And I'd love to know what you think. :) I'm particularly unhappy with s3--I don't think it says what it needs to, but my thoughts started to falter (and my rhythm, though a part of me hopes that works ;) ). And perhaps I don't explore the metaphor (if it's really a metaphor) enough in the first two stanzas... and the fear is important, but I just touch on it (that was supposed to be the core as much as the "sounds", but it didn't go that way).
Re: a comment on Dream Samurai by Lifeboatman	10-Mar-09/7:05 PM
ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh, I see. :) It all makes a lot more sense now.
Re: My Thoughts by amanda_dcosta	9-Mar-09/11:20 AM
I really don't get what you're trying to convey here. Ditto Blindpoetry, really. Do you know too much or too little? Or if that's the basis of your conundrum, help me realize that better. Comes off as pretentious and empty.
Re: a comment on brain cookies by nentwined	7-Mar-09/3:14 PM
I look forward to your Shit-Crumpet ode with great anticipation!
Re: a comment on Behind Closed Doors by Spirit52	6-Mar-09/9:22 AM
I think I want to have a hint as to what's being concealed, perhaps--or maybe this is just a comment in general? The more I try to prise apart, though, as redundant, the more everything seems to need to be there... so I don't know, really. :)
Re: Going to Michigan for the weekend by <~>	6-Mar-09/7:38 AM
That's great. I kind of wish the title was just "someplace to go" or something like...
Re: a comment on Final Dates, part 1: through gates of smoke and salt by Bill Z Bub	6-Mar-09/7:35 AM
bah, and fie on regret!
Re: a comment on prove me wrong by nentwined	6-Mar-09/5:07 AM
You should work on everything, of course. All at once! ;)
Re: a comment on 2am and sober in the digital age by nentwined	6-Mar-09/4:54 AM
When corporations die, which, while they _can_ be more long-lived than "people", ... does happen. Strange strange world when all the world's journals are in one man's house.
Re: a comment on prove me wrong by nentwined	6-Mar-09/4:42 AM
Thanks :D One of these days, we will see, we will see. It's amazing this place has been here this long. You probably have more certainty than you realize (he says, older and wiser *cough* sure....) Innocence to the world gone a few months ago? Now that sounds like a tale. Or a poem. ;) Hopefully not a pimple :)
Re: a comment on Fake, Emo and Over Shaven by Blindpoetry	6-Mar-09/4:13 AM
:hehe: You've got all the time in the world to improve it ;)
Re: a comment on Fake, Emo and Over Shaven by Blindpoetry	6-Mar-09/3:57 AM
I lump pimples and pimples-making-fun-of-pimples together :) Still, though, what's Diplome? :) I liked "bleed with red dye" :)
Re: a comment on Final Dates, part 1: through gates of smoke and salt by Bill Z Bub	5-Mar-09/11:25 PM
:heh: Not that there's anything wrong with that, so long as, you know, "safe and sane". But I didn't actually pick up on that in this, so maybe others won't, as well. :)
Re: The time doesn’t matter by Prince of Void	5-Mar-09/10:58 PM
I like the setting, but not the poem, and not where it ends. Still, I think you've got a seed here, if you can nurture it to grow (and I don't mean in length, so much).
Re: Behind Closed Doors by Spirit52	5-Mar-09/10:55 PM
needs something more, I think.
Re: Final Dates, part 1: through gates of smoke and salt by Bill Z Bub	5-Mar-09/10:51 PM
god damn dude. yeah, that's personal. and eloquent. and evocative--I can feel it. The odd thing is I feel like it hits too close to home to crit, but if I step back a bit, it's not my home. So: if I were reading this @ GUD, I'd be thinking, wondering... this is really beautiful. But is there enough of a story, enough of an arc, enough "other" on top of the punch to the gut and its beauty? And I don't know, there. I'd let it sit and hope to get some response from others. And I think the response would tend to depend on who read it next.
Re: a comment on prove me wrong by nentwined	5-Mar-09/10:43 PM
It would be an eternal struggle if I tried more often. ;) Stress...regimen...eating... it's all a muddle. Gyms are overrated unless they fit into your particular psyche. I'm all about the simple things I can do at home, in-between breaths (and it _really_ helps to have friends... if not doing the same thing, then something similar). Right now I'm sharing a regimen-of-sorts with my wife and her sister, though we're all attacking it kind of half-assed and "when we can". Poem--I'll check it!
Re: a comment on 2am and sober in the digital age by nentwined	5-Mar-09/10:41 PM
:heh: Maybe some--but erif.org is mine, and on a friend's server. I doubt anyone will renew the domain when I'm gone. And his server... man. It's strange to consider these things that would live on if those after us feed them (as opposed to, say "books", or "monuments" of old...)