| Re: Thaw by <~> |
21-Apr-04/2:20 PM |
velevt.
must needs add spellcheckerthingamyisthing. :/
I like "bonsai'd mountains" but don't see how it really fits. I want that in a poem all its own.
I like the image and feeling overall, though.
Oddly, tumefying did not mean at all what I was guessing it would.
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| Re: How it should have happened by INTRANSIT |
19-Apr-04/10:39 PM |
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interesting. I don't think you've caught me with your flow, but I don't have any suggestions.
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| Re: an exit into limbo by libby_28 |
19-Apr-04/10:36 PM |
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| Re: Tomorrow by jude |
19-Apr-04/10:35 PM |
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the almost-rhymes and off-rhythms are very painful to me.
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| Re: Middleman by INTRANSIT |
19-Apr-04/10:34 PM |
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Interesting, but I don't really get it. :/ potential, disaster, in triplicate? middleman? ...?
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| Re: #12 by mikejedw |
19-Apr-04/10:33 PM |
over-lit, I think.
doesn't do enough for me, though it does seem to be a start, the more I ponder on it. I think undulating may be less descriptive of the jersey city night than befits its number of syllables. But I really don't have any suggestions--just my reaction.
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| Re: THE BLESSING by Poetsettle |
19-Apr-04/10:31 PM |
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it is not my heart speaks? or is it You speaks? I'm confused, but it seems either way it must be wrong. very confusing all around.
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| Re: Hamptons by bondjedi |
19-Apr-04/10:30 PM |
It took me a very, very long time to get this.
Though wasn't the deal she _accepted_ financial advice that she shouldn't have? As opposed to giving it?
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| Re: The Return by doug_soderstrom |
19-Apr-04/10:29 PM |
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actually kinda cute. reminds me of strongbad.
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| Re: a comment on innocent voyeur by nentwined |
19-Apr-04/6:19 PM |
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Well, if you've got the razor, you might as well use it. :)
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| Re: a comment on innocent voyeur by nentwined |
19-Apr-04/5:57 PM |
cool beans. :)
I'm liking it more and more, myself.
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| Re: a comment on innocent voyeur by nentwined |
19-Apr-04/5:56 PM |
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Hmm. I think the whole poem avoids questions; it's meant to be a statement of unknowns that I attempt to fathom.
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| Re: a comment on innocent voyeur by nentwined |
19-Apr-04/5:19 PM |
Still? No, I like that one.
The previous last line, the line after the current last line, was... "all else imagination.".
Tell me more.
Or are you just "what can be done?" in general? :)
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| Re: a comment on innocent voyeur by nentwined |
19-Apr-04/4:56 PM |
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Thanks. :) I worried about the last line before posting (wrote it (well, the whole poem), drunk, at a bar, several months ago).
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| Re: a comment on innocent voyeur by nentwined |
19-Apr-04/4:50 PM |
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| Re: Let's Let the Flies In, Thomas by NanceXToo |
19-Apr-04/4:10 PM |
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I agree with zodiac's comments here.
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| Re: Take Four by NanceXToo |
19-Apr-04/4:05 PM |
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I really enjoy the twisting of the words that you do, here.
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| Re: Do You Like It by hotwire |
19-Apr-04/1:42 AM |
dr. seuss meets 2livecrew. Hmm.
your should be "you're" in the last line.
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| Re: a comment on metahaiku by ex0teric |
18-Apr-04/11:43 PM |
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very cute. Why not post it? :)
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| Re: a comment on metahaiku by ex0teric |
18-Apr-04/11:43 PM |
sweet.
why a comment and not a poem in its own right?
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