Re: metahaiku by ex0teric	18-Apr-04/11:41 PM
ayup. :)
Re: Metametahaiku by -=Dark_Angel=-, P.I.	18-Apr-04/11:41 PM
very cute.
Re: a comment on Metametahaiku by -=Dark_Angel=-, P.I.	18-Apr-04/11:40 PM
thank you. :)
Re: a comment on La théologie pour les Politiciens by wilco	18-Apr-04/4:01 PM
"guffs"
Re: China, Silver, and an Emerald Lipstick by Enkidu	14-Apr-04/5:08 PM
cute.
Re: moment in time by calilegzzz	12-Apr-04/12:26 PM
"cool crips breeze" had me thinking this was an entirely different poem for the first three lines (well, there was uncertainty after the first line ended, and serious doubt after the second...) "nights" should be "night's". "raceing" is "racing" I don't understand "which arouses yet another thought you..."--is that supposed to be another thought _of_ you? 'moment in time' is one of my favorite phrases, but it doesn't seem like you really did anything with it here but tack it on at the end, almost like this was an assignment to "write about a moment in time". I'm afraid that this poem reads to me as one cliche after another--pretty words, but the same words everyone else has used to describe the exact same thing. I think you could explore the moment and metaphors a bit more to try to find something novel.
Re: a comment on bipolar by nentwined	11-Apr-04/11:27 AM
On a good day, I think. :)
Re: a comment on bipolar by nentwined	10-Apr-04/10:13 PM
That's basically all it had going for it. :)
Re: a comment on bipolar by nentwined	10-Apr-04/7:29 PM
That's what I was aiming for, but it felt too angsty and odd to be "real" poetry. But ... la. :) the "inner tissue of my soul" inspired the poem--saw it in another piece on here and had to do _something_ with it. Thanks for the vote of confidence. :)
Re: a comment on ritual of now intensified by nentwined	9-Apr-04/9:25 AM
Not really, though I'm trying to get rid of it as we speak.
Re: a comment on ritual of now intensified by nentwined	8-Apr-04/11:21 PM
I need cup to my face. striking brown is good. and still the warmth tingles. :) thank you!
Re: a comment on ritual of now intensified by nentwined	8-Apr-04/11:20 PM
aha! and _push_ the plunger. =) !?
Re: a comment on ritual of now intensified by nentwined	8-Apr-04/11:19 PM
you are right. I need to drop 'act'. we shall see where else you are right. more thought required. :)
Re: if only i could tell by nolan	8-Apr-04/5:42 PM
"inner tissue of my soul" seems out of place, though it inspired me to write a short something that I can't post because the guy who runs this place is too much of a nazi and I already posted one thing today. But, moving on-- surronded -> surrounded overall, this poem reads very awkwardly for me, and doesn't say much new for the path it treads. I like the last four lines the best.
Re: Wrath by niyama	8-Apr-04/5:39 PM
I am not Shuushin, really, and I'm not just voting what he voted, really. This is silly (not the poem; it is good). :)
Re: Knuckle Bait by niyama	8-Apr-04/5:39 PM
cute, but a little awkward towards the end.
Re: Lost Girl by niyama	8-Apr-04/5:38 PM
lowercase 'I' sticks out, and "in to" seems it should be "into". But yes. :)
Re: a comment on ritual of now intensified by nentwined	8-Apr-04/5:26 PM
the first line long is the long and slow press of the plunger. hello :) the first line seems cliche out loud. but perhaps not--it requires the right intonation. Perhaps I have it, now. I do not like slams. But perhaps a 'reading'. Do non-slam readings happen in places, in a periodic fashion? I do like reading my poems. Perhaps I should record them--I did that a long time ago. Oh yes, I hate my voice. Right. :)
Re: a comment on ritual of now intensified by nentwined	8-Apr-04/5:14 PM
I like several of your suggestions. L1-this is hard. I'll have to think about it. the repetition is kind of off, but I think the first word feels like 'press' more than anything else I can think of, and I'm worried with the second that someone won't get what a french press is. L4-yeah, I agonized over that too. definitely not just 'act', but I have a weakness for parentheticals. That's probably something to not be encouraged. :) L7-and another point of contention. brown is entirely redundant, but the flow feels good to me. so I'll think about it. L9-held the cup up doesn't fit grammatically, but I "might could" do something with that, still. That line was actually an inserted after-thought in the first draft. L10-_definitely_ has to be 'warmth tingles', for me. er. so, well, I like the ones I'm going to have to think on, and I appreciate all of them. :) Thank you. :)
Re: merry-go-round by thing1	8-Apr-04/4:56 PM
cute, but not very interesting.