Re: a comment on sleep by nentwined	2-Dec-06/2:21 PM
Satan's lonely jow'ls Sag, a calme before the storme Of concentration
Re: a comment on The Unforgiven II by alvinb	24-Oct-06/9:30 AM
When the hell did my "mark this poem as plagiarised" button break? Meh.
Re: a comment on Peter by Wakeboarder20	5-Oct-06/10:27 AM
I don't know the story you're referencing in enough detail to really know what's going on from the poem. It makes more sense on a line level, now, so it's not until I get to the end that I really know I don't know what's going on. I'd change "claiming he is" to "claiming to be"--things are vague enough that there could be _another_ he... or perhaps the _parables_ are claiming that the ghost he is ... What rickety boat? That metaphor jumps away from the piece, for me, in a very confusing way. I really like "but stricken [...] strikes back". Screaming for help, sinking like a stone? What do you see?
Re: Untitled by PunkyPanda	4-Oct-06/6:32 PM
meh.
Re: "Twee" by Ranger	4-Oct-06/6:30 PM
Hmmzor.
Re: Weather poem part 5: the cold dusk by nypoet22	4-Oct-06/6:26 PM
I disagree on the "Everyone cries gently". Some people cry only violently. Same with laughter. It can be frightening. Doesn't feel forced, which is nice, but does feel trite, to me.
Re: Dedication by MissUnderstood	4-Oct-06/6:25 PM
simple, but, er, trite. You've got a flow, I'll give you that, though the yoda speak is ... twisted. Are you killing yourself? If not, what have you done to mend the shredded remains of a treasured friend? At least, the way you've phrased it, you're implying you've done something _towards_ mending things.
Re: May Sinners Rot In Fucking Hell! by Sing4Jesus!	4-Oct-06/6:17 PM
funny :)
Re: Peter by Wakeboarder20	4-Oct-06/6:16 PM
hmm... huh?
Re: Weather Poem part 4: Cleaning Day by nypoet22	4-Oct-06/6:14 PM
cute. liking this.
Re: I've thought a lot by MacFrantic	4-Oct-06/6:13 PM
odd. interesting. oddly convoluted in manner, which doesn't seem to suit the piece (except by way of example, but generally it's best not to give so strong an example of self-reference with something negative).
Re: a comment on Street Preacher by Dovina	4-Oct-06/6:10 PM
p'raps. I'm agreeing with Ranger--this feels cheap and confused. Not to put words in Ranger's mouth ;)
Re: Pity me. by cleverdevice	4-Oct-06/6:07 PM
Okay, you got a laugh out of me. Thanks. :)
Re: Dead Poets' Society (Joke) by Yardbird	4-Oct-06/6:07 PM
who's <- whose! cute joke, though. I think I've heard it?
Re: Hazy days by cleverdevice	4-Oct-06/6:04 PM
who's <-- whose who's means "who is", as in "who's going to fix that?"
Re: A Little Life by Tom Colebrooke	4-Oct-06/6:02 PM
fly's <-- flies cann't <-- can't cute poem, but in something so small the little problems really are mountains. flow/rhythm/etc are off and the rhymes feel forced. :/
Re: Flamin Monkey's by Blade	4-Oct-06/5:59 PM
's is a _possessive_, except in the case of "it's". You slay me. cute, ish.
Re: Shark by cleverdevice	4-Oct-06/5:57 PM
I think you should split "My body rises and dives / UP DOWN UP DOWN UP DOWN" into "My body rises / UP UP UP / and dives / DOWN DOWN DOWN" I actually ... this is funny, and not annoying.
Re: Ode to the unwanted chip by deadstar	4-Oct-06/5:56 PM
funny.
Re: The Gunfighter by deadstar	4-Oct-06/5:55 PM
eh