| Re: a comment on To my Valentine by Lola |
15-Feb-07/6:32 PM |
Ditto. More anti-interest.
Definite pimple.
Maybe people should be able to nominate poems for a pimple, instead of just being able to pick that category...
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| Re: Topography by MacFrantic |
15-Feb-07/6:31 PM |
Calypso and apogee? Hmm.
Order.. and disorder--makes me miss an old techno album lost to age.
too abstract for me?
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| Re: Friday's Monday's June by Enkidu |
15-Feb-07/6:30 PM |
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I like how this runs, but the obscurity reads like too much randomness to me. Nothing against randomness, but I need chaotic randomness, where there's a pattern if I can discern it ((and maybe I'm just not good at discerning)).
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| Re: Lonely Hearts by Stephen Robins |
15-Feb-07/6:29 PM |
Imititation Jam, Kennelling Lobsters?
Hmm. Ah, VDs?
Great for Valentine's, yes?
Cute, much cuter than the blatancy of it belies... but not enough for me, still, to care. Too much reliance on shock value, I think...?
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| Re: Complaints by jessicazee |
15-Feb-07/6:25 PM |
The bear took out my knee! Damn, I'm going to have to be more careful with what I watch.
This has something, maybe, but it's too compact for me to get it and feel what I've gotten; I think it needs a little more flesh--but that's definitely no guarantee.
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| Re: a comment on Around 4am at this time of the year by Nicholas Jones |
15-Feb-07/6:22 PM |
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Why are you afraid of not being able to sleep? That's the core, I think, to move the rest along. Maybe. Give us why we should be afraid, that we are afraid, and then pump the fear through our veins. And then show us the sunrise, numbly, in elegant (but not overwrought) detail... the haunting promise that our fears are realized.
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| Re: a comment on Around 4am at this time of the year by Nicholas Jones |
15-Feb-07/6:20 PM |
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hmm. tell us more about this. wrap us in...
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| Re: Around 4am at this time of the year by Nicholas Jones |
15-Feb-07/6:20 PM |
eh. convoluted language just for the sake of sounding poetic?
it's a moment, but the moment has no context that makes me care.
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| Re: Uncontrolled scribblings one luch break by Nicholas Jones |
15-Feb-07/6:18 PM |
Hey, this takes clever and runs with it for a bit. I'd drop the self-referential (and so therefore also write), since it's not about that _so_ much.
ICO pen?
I'm missing a bit, but I like the self-abuse. :)
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| Re: a comment on Uncontrolled scribblings one luch break by Nicholas Jones |
15-Feb-07/6:17 PM |
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| Re: Les Imagistes by Nicholas Jones |
15-Feb-07/6:13 PM |
This is actually clever. The thing I'm missing is it flowing. Sad but I think it needs a poet's touch, or maybe just an editor's. "I argue ... work" doesn't move things along as much as the rest, I think.
Passable? Almost.
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| Re: The Horror The Horror by Nicholas Jones |
15-Feb-07/6:10 PM |
Not reading the whole thing, but caught something that might be a good hook; "Imagine -- saying it, meaning it" ((no need to repeat the title, we know, we know the reference))
Run from there.
I like "I joined a party to fight for socialism
but found ideology was out of fashion
and weâre all in the centre ground now." Tell me more?
I think you're all over the place on this, and I'm not feeling any of it, except the odd scrap.
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| Re: a comment on On returning to a town where I used to live by Nicholas Jones |
15-Feb-07/6:05 PM |
Oh, it's poetry. It's poetry, and so is every other shite posted on this site (or nearly?).
I wouldn't begin to try to guess how many nationalities you hide behind. ;)
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| Re: On returning to a town where I used to live by Nicholas Jones |
15-Feb-07/6:04 PM |
"I remember the tiny details of the place" is a decent hook (as in, start there), but you need to follow with actual details, or contrast it with something that tells the lie.
You've told me something, vague, and I don't believe you. An extra point for Starbucks, vile corporation that they may be, because I've always wanted to watch Battlestar Galactica, and I could use some coffee.
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| Re: The Mountain by Nicholas Jones |
15-Feb-07/6:01 PM |
ending, now--that's the end of the poem, there. you've told us too much, and we don't care. Start elsewhere, make us feel things are ending. yeah, way too much tell throughout.
Start at "Fuck", and you've got something better. Well, until you get to "So we moved on".
still, you might have something here, in the back of your head, to convey. Just not conveyed in the poem.
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| Re: The blankness of his life by Nicholas Jones |
15-Feb-07/5:55 PM |
Is it the extremities or intremities you're seeking with this poem? ((hey, you complained you hadn't gotten insults, right?))
The blankness of his masturbation--fine, but why record it?
Though I do sympathise with the feeling (am I leaving myself too open, here?) - this poem does not epitomize them in any good way.
The second stanza's better than the first, but still uninteresting. Tell me something in a novel way (and I don't mean prose, and I don't mean rot13...) slip me the suggestion, the meaning, without my realising what you've said until I'm looking at the blade in my heart.
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| Re: Advent by Nicholas Jones |
15-Feb-07/5:48 PM |
I second the howl's bow'ls.
Somewhat interesting, but not enough, and the flow, well, yeah.
You call this happy? I was ready to berate fluffy bunnies...
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| Re: The meaning of Love by The Slender Blade |
31-Jan-07/8:23 PM |
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Wow. That really hurts. Well done?
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| Re: sleep by nentwined |
31-Jan-07/11:17 AM |
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| Re: a comment on sleep by nentwined |
2-Dec-06/2:23 PM |
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Probably if I didn't own the site, I wouldn't have been the "vitim" of 0-wars and 10-wars, so likely true.
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