| Re: My Love by tgheidi |
19-Feb-07/3:52 PM |
points for rhyming "eyes" and "explodes".
Your love sounds awfully post-apocalyptic.
|
|
|
 |
| Re: DIDN'T I SAY by massangel62 |
19-Feb-07/3:51 PM |
|
Maybe you have different definitions of love. It's a sentiment, but doesn't do so well as a poem.
|
|
|
|
| Re: Plurals by -=Dark_Angel=-, P.I. |
16-Feb-07/11:31 AM |
I'll take a Guiness, you pig!
Cute. But doesn't do it for me.
Minus a point for not having "fish" as per rockmage.
Extra point for the word "Gortices".
|
|
|
|
| Re: a comment on Captured by Dovina |
16-Feb-07/10:58 AM |
The wielding everything, the timing of it seemed to imply to me it was all done at once. Maybe I needed to see the action happening to separate it out.
After that, yeah, I was all over the place with the poem--couldn't focus. Maybe work the earlier bits in, throughout, and be a little less circumspect?
I really don't know.
|
|
|
|
| Re: a comment on a self-conscious lack of denial by nentwined |
16-Feb-07/10:56 AM |
A couple (bottles?) and I'd probably be blacked out.
This was just about 6 oz of Pyrat rum.
|
|
|
|
| Re: a comment on a self-conscious lack of denial by nentwined |
15-Feb-07/9:39 PM |
|
I only tried Southern Comfort once... it was too sickeningly sweet for me, then, and never had the urge to try it again.
|
|
|
|
| Re: a comment on sad moments by rbooey |
15-Feb-07/7:07 PM |
|
|
|
| Re: sad moments by rbooey |
15-Feb-07/7:07 PM |
|
|
|
| Re: JUST A FEW by rbooey |
15-Feb-07/7:05 PM |
|
If you actually mean any of this, know that it is a very poor tribute. Which is not to be ashamed of--probably most tributes are poor. But if you do actually mean any of it, consider trying to improve it--or just move on.
|
|
|
|
| Re: JUST A FEW by rbooey |
15-Feb-07/7:05 PM |
|
|
|
| Re: a comment on my hunger has become a hunger for revenge by nentwined |
15-Feb-07/6:57 PM |
|
I'm open to some cleaning up, but I sure do like my semicolons and my appositives and my parentheticals. :)
|
|
|
|
| Re: a comment on my hunger has become a hunger for revenge by nentwined |
15-Feb-07/6:56 PM |
It was supposed to be bad.
But yeah, it was supposed to be bad in a likeable way.
My bad?
|
|
|
|
| Re: a comment on self-suffocation by Phalkon |
15-Feb-07/6:55 PM |
|
|
|
| Re: a comment on a days journey by donmiguel1960 |
15-Feb-07/6:52 PM |
|
Gotcha==a typo, only worse.
|
|
|
|
| Re: a days journey by donmiguel1960 |
15-Feb-07/6:51 PM |
ow. not a good ow.
I sympathise, but only because, er, I do get where you're coming from. But not from the art of this poem.
|
|
|
|
| Re: Ode to a Pimple-Lyric Spawned by Phalkon's Greasy Face. by SupremeDreamer |
15-Feb-07/6:50 PM |
hm. Do I need to make a new feature "poems inspired by this poem" sort of thing?
nothing in and of itself, and I don't know Phalkon yet, so...
|
|
|
|
| Re: Celui by half.italian |
15-Feb-07/6:48 PM |
|
the last two lines are the redeeming glory, and the rest does well for being put so plainly, but... the thought's only so much.
|
|
|
|
| Re: The Medium of Dunce by Ranger |
15-Feb-07/6:41 PM |
|
Hmm. Interesting, maybe something clever, but both over and under told...
|
|
|
|
| Re: Captured by Dovina |
15-Feb-07/6:38 PM |
those would have to be big hands -- a shovel, a pick, and a wheelbarrow? We're talking Paul Bunyan, here. I apologize for his tiny member, though--we didn't do enough testing on those pesticides.
General impression--not interested, really. A curious idea, but I'm not buying. More context, maybe?
|
|
|
|
| Re: The Ballad of Rakesh Rajani, Court Reporter by Rakesh Rajani |
15-Feb-07/6:35 PM |
|
|
|
