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DIDN'T I SAY (Free verse) by massangel62 didn't I say I loved you
didn't I say I cared
didn't I say forever
I'd be waiting for you right here
you didn't take me seriously
you thought it was a lie
how can I prove to you
that my love will never die
just open up your heart
open your eyes and you will see
that everything I said to you
I meant it, seriously.
Up the ladder:
blobby blob
Down the ladder:
Constancy
Votes: (green: user, blue: anonymous)
Arithmetic Mean: 4.142857
Posted: August 6, 2004 6:14 AM PDT; Last modified: August 6, 2004 6:14 AM PDTWeighted score: 4.769479 Overall Rank: 11396 Comments:
"just open up your heart
open your eyes and you will see" Because open was already used on that first line.. It may look better if you used another word for open..in the first sentence..like unlock? on the second line or used it in a series for instance Open up your heart Open up your eyes Close down your ... etc... also.. you don't need to write "I meant it, (and)seriously" I meant it and seriously basically mean the same thing in this poem.. I don't know.. It was pretty straightforward. I'm sure this was the intention and it did well in that respect..However it lacks in creativity..
sorry that was somewhat confusing is there a way to edit comments?
Maybe you have different definitions of love. It's a sentiment, but doesn't do so well as a poem.
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I don't know what to say about this, your poems remind me of another time, not a bad time, but another time.
I think people aren't getting you and are judging your work by a different kind of perspective, I get what you are doing and I appreciate it.
Is this about you getting published or about you sharing your experiences, because if it's the latter, it's nice work, it's not always about being modern and technical, sometimes it is just about sharing, and that can be nice :)
I hope I didn't sound patronizing, I'm sincere.
Cat