poemranker ::a days journey by donmiguel1960

DetailsThe poem, its numbers, and the conversation.

Free verse № 149857

a days journey

by donmiguel1960

Member since 2004 · Posted 8 Feb 2007 · Edited 9 Feb 2007 · 10 comments

The mournful grief I survive, as my being drifts, is unbearable. The morning is the furthermost distance from the serenity that only sleep can bring. As the day wears on, my vigor pours out. My mind becomes befuddled, and my heart wishes for an eternal sleep. Today I’ve awoken weak in spirit, hoping to find relief. My thoughts race through my mind like a flock of birds without direction. Is this a poem, or random thoughts that I now collect in my mind? What is the point of my writing? Groping franticly, for a solemn, peaceful place, to rest the bitter howling winds of my soul. Writing is a sandy oasis, on my journey to the night. The water is bitter sweet. My thoughts, pains, struggles, and breath are that of a confused heart.

Rate it

0 is the worst, 10 the best. Pick a number, add a comment if you like, then send it. Keys: 0–9 pick, Enter sends.

mean 3.00 weighted 4.76 rank 11563 views 171 View voting details →

5 votes so far. Yours would make 6.5 votes so far

10 comments

[6] Ranger 8-Feb-07/8:31 AM Reply
What do you mean when you say 'today I've awoken week in spirit'? Is it a typo, or are you making a profound temporal and spiritual claim?
[n/a] donmiguel1960 › Ranger 9-Feb-07/4:40 AM Reply
that morning, i was deeply and emotionaly week. some days its hard to function, or even move. getting up to eat can be a task only to hope for. its an emotional struggle i live with. the word should be weak
[6] Ranger › donmiguel1960 10-Feb-07/3:14 AM Reply
Gotcha.
[2] nentwined › Ranger 15-Feb-07/6:52 PM Reply
Gotcha==a typo, only worse.
[0] SupremeDreamer 9-Feb-07/1:18 PM Reply
I'm groping frantically for a solemn place to escape the foul flatulent winds howling from your asshole.

It's better not to try grasping what isn't there, rather than seizing the flatulence wafting through
your cranium's stale, hollow, and oxygen-deprived air.
[6] half.italian 11-Feb-07/10:24 AM Reply
Mournful sounds awkward to me positioned as it is. 'furthermost' sounded awkward to me as well, I didn't even think it was a word. I was wrong. Try restructiing lines to eliminateg 90% of the "my"'s, and you'll be much happier with it I think.
[7] Bethy 12-Feb-07/6:58 AM Reply
I love the word "befuddled" its how I wake up some days...usually when I can't find clean socks, or my agenda...either or...it is a real feeling... Bethy:)
[n/a] donmiguel1960 › Bethy 22-Apr-07/5:25 AM Reply
Thanks for the thought, I also like this word.

[2] nentwined 15-Feb-07/6:51 PM Reply
ow. not a good ow.

I sympathise, but only because, er, I do get where you're coming from. But not from the art of this poem.
[n/a] donmiguel1960 › nentwined 25-Mar-07/2:22 AM Reply
good reply, the problem is neither do I, but thanks for the feed back.